As Seen on TV: Do movies set unrealistic expectations for relationships?

In this episode, we bring back Dr. Saudia to discuss if movies and television set unrealistic expectations for relationships and how most of us wouldn’t want to watch a realistic depiction of relationships on the big screen. As always if you would like to be a part of the conversation you can find us @RickAndNamon on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can find Rick @Doddsism and Namon @IAmTheDjBlue. You can connect with Dr. Saudia Twine @ErosMeetsAgape. 

If you want of Dr. Saudia you can find her website and podcast at  ErosMeetsAgape.com

Transcript

Richard Dodds  0:00  
This relationship talks with Rick and naming. I'm Rick and I am the DJ blue.

Namon  0:04  
And he's now I'm still to DJ blue. 100% never gonna change gonna be me

Richard Dodds  0:10  
named the DJ and his name. I'm gonna let you do. I'm gonna let you introduce our guests.

Namon  0:15  
Oh, today we have a very special guest. A very special guest. Dr. Sadi

Richard Dodds  0:24  
Hey, good. It's always good when we can sit down and talk to

Namon  0:29  
you. So always amazing. I feel so much love

Richard Dodds  0:38  
all just call us when I need it. You got it? Exactly.

Namon  0:52  
We got to play.

Richard Dodds  0:57  
So I feel like we've kind of talked about talking about this subject for quite a while, and we've had at it on different episodes that we've done together, but it's finally time to talk about it. The question of the day is do movies and television set up realistic expectations for relationships?

Namon  1:14  
Hmm, and how? Of course they do. That's pricey. That's a no brainer, right there.

Richard Dodds  1:25  
You think they do? Never,

Namon  1:27  
always always.

Richard Dodds  1:29  
I'm inclined to think that they do. Oh,

Dr. Saudia Twine  1:34  
I'm torn. Oh, I think some May. Others I know do not.

Richard Dodds  1:41  
Alright. So all right. All right. I like I like the way that this is going. So can you give me an example of one that you don't think that's a bad expectation?

Dr. Saudia Twine  1:49  
All right. So I think this is an old movie. I can't think of any one thing off the top of my head. That's current, but the movie hitch? Yeah. Excellent. Excellent. Example,

Namon  2:02  
I think, a good example.

Dr. Saudia Twine  2:06  
Because the question was, does it set you up for unrealistic expectations? Right, yeah. Right. And we saw all the wrong things about an individual that ended up being the right thing for the person that was right for them.

Namon  2:23  
Yeah. So that movie would have been a good representation of I will say, realistic expectation.

Richard Dodds  2:30  
I would only take one thing, I will take one issue with that movie. And it's just something that we kind of talked about it before. I'm the one the one. The one issue that I have with that is that it always set up so that when the main female character came, and she hadn't messed up, and she wanted to apologize, the male Lee, like Will Smith's character had to do something like he kind of blew her off. And then he had to go back and do this grand gesture just to get her back. And he's running and he's jumping on a car. That's the one part that you've never done that. No, no, you

Richard Dodds  3:08  
know, I keep my feet on the ground.

Namon  3:12  
I had a knock it off. I'm like, that was just the one part because

Richard Dodds  3:15  
I feel like it was kind of artificial in nature. I

Dr. Saudia Twine  3:19  
disagree. You think? You think totally 100%? Disagree?

Richard Dodds  3:24  
Well, what like, not even like she got some hate. That means

Dr. Saudia Twine  3:30  
this is not Maury 99. This is 100. Agree with agreement in that movie with that particular scene. She was coming to apologize. And she actually did apologize, okay. And when someone takes the effort with someone that they're kind of catching feelings for who they think is feeling the same, we are expecting that they will receive us. Most people are vulnerable with their emotion, emotion. So if I put myself out there, and I really apologize, and I'm very sincere with my apology, I have just opened myself up to vulnerability. And I have now been rejected. Ya know, me, I talked about attachment. So she basically experiences since rejection do I know whether or not that's her attacking style notebook and more than likely based on her character, it was not she was probably avoiding. But that being the case, that means she put herself out there to share her emotions, and she was left by herself, which meant bang, why did I even bother doing that? There I go exposing myself again, just to be let down. So when he comes back, now the question becomes, is this going to be a cat and mouse game that we play? Or are you actually going to be real with me? It's not a matter you just get to come in and just share a little song like okay, I get it. That person generally believes I put myself on the line because that's really difficult for them. It's hard for them to express their emotions. So that's huge in there. world, that means they're looking for something from you that is huge in your world. He is very grand with his gestures, his communications, so he needed to match her at the level of what she had. Did

Richard Dodds  5:13  
you put her like that? You know? Like when you put it like that, you know, I might change my opinion a little bit.

Namon  5:24  
Axial, you don't really think about it like that. No, I

Richard Dodds  5:27  
didn't, I didn't think about it that way. I was thinking about it. So I feel men and women usually kind of relate to a character. And I feel like it's usually the man or woman in the movie. So like, in that particular instance, I knew that he had just been incredibly heartbroken for because this woman that he was falling for, betrayed his trust and ruin his livelihood. And not only that, like he, he thought that she didn't love him in a way that he was starting to love her. And she was coming to apologize. And that and that almost felt like he was just in a place of pain where he wasn't ready to receive that apology. So in that way,

Dr. Saudia Twine  6:03  
I would agree with the fact that he wasn't ready. But that wasn't the question.

Richard Dodds  6:08  
I guess that's true. I like how matter of fact, you know, that wasn't the question.

Dr. Saudia Twine  6:17  
To my clients, I'm sorry. But can we go back to the question,

Richard Dodds  6:20  
can we get back to it? And in that particular instance, like, though, I feel like before they even before he even went back? I feel like it probably would have been some time in between there. Maybe because I feel like if he was that hurt, I don't think he would have been so ready to run back. But you know, I guess it

Namon  6:38  
seems that past a couple of snaps, we don't know. Yeah, it could have been

Richard Dodds  6:43  
the movie where it was like, it was like, like, two minutes.

Namon  6:48  
Well, but I'm saying like, realistically, if there was like a sunup sundown type situation, it could have been a couple days even still, I mean, it really doesn't matter if he got through it. He got through it. I mean, he could have got through it and movie time, which was two minutes if he worked through it. I would say healthy Lee, you know, to mean it's instead of just, you know, brushing it off.

Richard Dodds  7:11  
I guess it depends on how I mean, I felt like see that movie. I feel like it's criminally underrated. And I feel like it was it should have been a second part to that movie. Just because

Namon  7:20  
what would what do you have the second part? Yeah,

Richard Dodds  7:23  
I've actually, I've actually started writing. So the second part of it, see, depending on when it was written, if it was written right after it, I felt like he could have went on a book tour. And the thing about it was was that he was creating opportunity. So what he did was actually legitimate. He wasn't manipulating anybody into fallen in love with somebody that they weren't compatible with. But he was setting these opportunities for people to get with the leaves approach and have an opportunity to talk to someone that they were interested in.

Namon  7:54  
Will Smith go steal your idea?

Richard Dodds  7:56  
I can't say too much but I got like a whole I don't know how I do have like a whole Hitch Part Two hitched. Okay, yeah, so I got Okay, Will Smith. You listening hit me up, we can write so many popular tropes and movies. And it's like, I kind of look back at like Hallmark and stuff like that. And I feel like Hallmark has like maybe like three different storylines. So hallmark is, I'm engaged, and then I go back home. And then I see somebody that I used to talk to and then I'm still in love with them. So I break off my engagement and then by the end of the movie, I'm engaged to somebody else. That's every Christmas.

Dr. Saudia Twine  8:36  
Hallmark does not count because because you have to think of the brand Hallmark right? Yeah, the brand is you come into our store you find the car that expresses your emotions 100% to be conveyed to this other person who will receive you that is the brand of Hallmark so if I'm staying true to my brand my movie has to as well and everybody I know that loves them some Christmas movies. Shoe we're like when do the Hallmark movies come? I know she's gonna move to the small town

Namon  9:17  
married to the to the poor man.

Richard Dodds  9:21  
Or the person that she hated. I can't stand Jasper. He she grew up with him. He did some stupid not they used to date though they used to date and he ran off to the big city.

Dr. Saudia Twine  9:31  
You gotta love it because love prevails. And that's what everybody wants.

Namon  9:36  
Yeah, realistically, I would say, but I don't know. It's it's different. Like I would say I've never really seen like, people be like, Man, no, I really hated you when we were younger. So amazing. But we haven't a good time putting this tree up. And then I mean, that part for me is unrealistic.

Richard Dodds  10:00  
Oh, I got a store that stores acronyms. There we go.

Dr. Saudia Twine  10:08  
I literally remember I used to be a lifeguard and I was taking my lifeguard exam. And they had us we were at the end and they paired us with anybody. Well, everybody had paired up I was new. So people that were new didn't know other people. So you had to find a partner. So this guy pair with me and he had this like, rapper chain on

Richard Dodds  10:33  
that'll sound like just

Dr. Saudia Twine  10:35  
out of the pool. I'm annoyed by that, because I don't know do Fobes type sorry buggers.

Namon  10:42  
Let me know right now.

Dr. Saudia Twine  10:45  
But he had that on and then you had we had to do mouth to mouth. Oh, so this guy is basically like, I know you want to kiss me. When I get a new partner, someone please. And I literally was just like, looking around going up for minutes with each other. Please just help me get through this could not stand. I mean, literally was like, If I ever see you again. I'm going opposite direction. Fast forward. I get placed in my assignment. I probably was there. I don't know. Three, four weeks. He comes through. I don't remember him because people I just like unfortunately I put them dead. Do you ask them some kind of way? Oh, he's cute. What was this guy? You know? I'm keeping my co have you? And later on? He is talking to me. And he is reasonable. I do not remember him. Literally. I kid you not. We were a couple together for about a month. And he says to me, you don't remember me? Do you?

Richard Dodds  11:52  
Spit my water out.

Dr. Saudia Twine  11:55  
Yeah, yeah, he still had that chain. I didn't see it at that time that he did that. But he literally had to remind me when he did I say you did right. Not to tell me about that. Because that would have been a no go I would have to go to though so

Richard Dodds  12:09  
as I want to end it he told you like a month into it. He's like, you know, I really can't I'm not down with this.

Dr. Saudia Twine  12:17  
So how was that?

Namon  12:20  
Lady ever wait a chain again? That's my question. Not with me. He has the chain but not saying that. But that's the concept though. See? And in that that situation? Now that's that's a movie in itself.

Richard Dodds  12:32  
Like you actually that actually does sound like the plot of a movie. Yeah,

Namon  12:36  
he gets out. Gets out with the big old chain gives you mouth to mouth. Oh, get off me. And then you know, a couple of weeks later, you get like a DM Hey, what's up? You know, are you still breathing that mouth mouth we did in class like I was.

Dr. Saudia Twine  12:57  
Personally, he wouldn't have been in my regular mailbox. So I would read that and deleted as if I never seen that he would be none the wiser. Does

Namon  13:03  
crazy. Like there's a crazy cast.

Richard Dodds  13:05  
I know it is it is hilarious. And the thing that I was thinking about about movies is that I can understand why they can be so wildly realistic. Because I think about movies that are realistic. I don't know, have you ever seen? Did you ever see my memory? Now is that new Netflix movie?

Dr. Saudia Twine  13:22  
Somebody told me to write some black

Richard Dodds  13:24  
and white and it has a day and a half David, John David Washington in it. I haven't. Well, that movie is basically it's on Netflix. It's a Netflix movie. And that movie is basically them arguing for like an hour and a half in real time, like in real time, like they will go and it will look like they were bought the makeup and they start hugging and kissing and then they'll start fighting again. That is the whole synopsis of the movie. No, that sounds a lot. But see, that's the thing. So it was very, I felt like it was something I could see being in a situation like that. Or being in a toxic relationship where you're both toxic to each other. And you're going back and forth. And you're just arguing and you think about the makeup and then somebody brings up something and it triggers the other person. And then I'll go back to arguing. That's not the kind of movies I'd like to watch. An

Dr. Saudia Twine  14:17  
hour and a half. Okay, for both of you are you really set up an hour and a half continuously with your previous girlfriend? argue for an hour and a

Richard Dodds  14:26  
half? Like me? No, I mean,

Namon  14:30  
me personally, as soon as there's i and this is how this is why movies are unrealistic. They go through the whole thing. It goes to another scene and you see them laying next to each other all upset. Me personally, as soon as someone yells at me, I get really quiet. And that's it. I let them finish. I let them I let them finish. And then once they're done, I say my part and I say well, I mean, we could either not talk or We can resolve it and get over it. What do you what do you want to do? Cuz I'm all for getting over it.

Richard Dodds  15:08  
Growing up, I felt like in my life that nothing is certain. So when it comes to arguing with people and stuff like that, if it's not a big deal, and I mean 99% of things are not really that big of a deal. If it's something you can get over, let it go, because you never know when the last time you're gonna see somebody is and even if it's a reason for you to break up with somebody, are you to end a friendship leave on good terms like maybe we just not compatible, maybe we toxic around each other. We don't have to be around each other. But look, I still love you and I wish you the best. Like I don't need to be venom and acid spit in my opinion. And I try to avoid that at all costs. But it's not always up to one person. It takes two people to do that.

Dr. Saudia Twine  15:50  
Sounds like two people need to be mature. People are hurt that goes right out the door.

Richard Dodds  15:56  
They don't do that really does. So now I'm starting to appreciate movies a little bit more because I like the unrealistic. Manchester's

Namon  16:04  
just because they're jumping on a car, like outside in the rain. Yeah, love you.

Richard Dodds  16:12  
Exactly. I still wish I had a big bone back because I would do that. But you wouldn't

Namon  16:17  
know.

Dr. Saudia Twine  16:19  
A grand gesture for someone that they either really interested in and trying to pull or really messed up and you try and get them back. I think everybody has.

Richard Dodds  16:30  
I can't even call it a grand gesture. What would you consider like a realistic grand gesture? I mean, like not jumping on a car? What's the like a realistic grand gesture?

Dr. Saudia Twine  16:38  
I think it depends on the person. So if I'm somebody who's really emotional, I'm looking for you to give me some emotion. So you come to me singing a song probably won't do it. But oh, like I used to not be a person that was very emotional. And I will always say guys that when something went wrong, I didn't know it. They would have to tell me like oh we communicating via this song. I didn't know listen, and then they will like point to certain things and I'm like, Are we mute? This doesn't make any sense. You see how

Richard Dodds  17:12  
he said that his heart was broken into 1000 pieces by what you said that was me now I'll just

Richard Dodds  17:25  
I'll just joking now so

Namon  17:26  
see me I love like like when it comes to like music and stuff like that. I think those are perfect for like relationships and having conversations. Because music I mean most of the musicians and things like that i They say the things that we need to say. They can just say hard to say I can say it a lot more eloquently than we can most of the time exactly. They say that things that are extremely difficult for us to actually articulate in any type of relationship so it's sometimes it's easier for you to you know say you know chairs is still a chair but house is not it's easier that way that's that's an interesting concept.

Dr. Saudia Twine  18:08  
Big motor cars. That was the best version.

Namon  18:10  
Yeah, gotta

Richard Dodds  18:11  
be big, big big Luther was definitely the best version. I felt like it's a big contrast between music and and movies because I feel like movies we more expect the the happy ending the grand gestures, but for music, it could be like sad song. And we can we won't think that the song is bad. I mean, look at 21 No, no, I'm talking about like a sad song like 21 You don't get any conflict resolution like she don't talk about she gets back with somebody. The whole song is like a breakup letter and every death song that that album is so like more albums and pretty much any other album. Talking about a deal. Yeah, the album 21 Yeah,

Dr. Saudia Twine  18:48  
I appreciate that naming because I was racking my brain.

Namon  18:53  
Loki like I was, I was thinking the same thing. I was like, 2120 I start thinking of what's that other person's? Tell us what exactly I started thinking to her. I'm like, Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Oh, it's talking about my bad. That's my thought. It's okay, you do that? I would say for me movies, movies and relationships. I always and to be honest, is like I always look at the movies. And I hope that one day like especially when they end well that you can have that perfect relationship there. But I don't know if based on movies if the movie relationship even exist, like that perfect relationship, but the movies don't show a lot. They don't show any of the background.

Richard Dodds  19:38  
So it takes a lot

Dr. Saudia Twine  19:39  
of work. When it's supposed to uplift us who wants to pay $11 and walk home late leaving the movie upset and hurt and sad and disappointed. People don't want to be reminded of their own lives they want hope that things can change that there is positivity and love that can actually take place. Sold

Richard Dodds  19:59  
See, I feel like that's great as long as people understand what movies are for, what are they for? They're for entertainment do to them for entertainment. So like when like Will Smith does like a grand gesture and any kind of movie or any love story in the lead character comes in, it's like, you know, you have me Hello. And all these, these dialogues that you have in the middle of the living room is a room full of as a roomful of writers that are writing this dialogue. So you can't expect every person that you wit to be able to come and eloquently say all of this stuff and run across charismatically and do all these things. Because there people are actors, and they're taking multiple takes and they have multiple writers to get that thing, right. So I feel like grand grand needs to be understood that grant can be different depending on who you are. And and what you what you subscribe.

Namon  20:52  
I have an interesting movie. That's kinda I don't know if it was real or not, but castaway. Right? Okay. I know the concept of castaway. He familiar cat you familiar? On the island, and he was stuck, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anywho the part I'm talking about? The end of the movie? Oh, not Wilson. Okay, that was that was. That was emotional. That was an amazing relationship. His relationship with Wilson it's kind of like your relationship with Shiloh. It's a similar concept. I don't know what that means. So my thing is this. So when he at the end of the movie, he meets his wife again, and he's reunited with

Richard Dodds  21:29  
her cirrhosis, rehab or whatever. I mean, amazing. This

Namon  21:33  
lady he was gonna be that. Okay, he meets this lady he was planning to be with and she's actually in a relationship, or else she's married to someone else. Is that not a relationship? Richard?

Richard Dodds  21:44  
Yeah, but that's a little bit more.

Namon  21:49  
Okay, but is it not continue? Thank you. All right. He she is in a relationship with someone else married. So it gets to the point where married, attached, controlled, coughed. It doesn't really matter in a relationship with this man. And the crazy part for me was when she like got out of the car, it's in the movie and it's all rainy. And she's she's like, I love you steel. And it's like, they kind of I wonder if they get back together?

Richard Dodds  22:17  
They did like kiss or something in the garage. Yeah, they did.

Namon  22:21  
And it's like, I don't know. Like, there's nothing that happened after that scene. Like for me that was like, Okay, well, what, what, what happened?

Richard Dodds  22:29  
No, I can't even that was a lot of process. I

Dr. Saudia Twine  22:32  
know. That was a lot to deal with. You think your fiance is dead? And they come back, meaning that they survive for years being on their own? You're thinking about that. And all they're doing is pining after you and that's the first thing they do when they go back and you are married married with a baby. You feel kind of bad. You feel like dang, they focused on me why I moved on and then they have to go through the struggle. But then they told me I should

Richard Dodds  23:00  
write Oh, I

Namon  23:04  
wonder you wonder like how how realistic is something and is that

Richard Dodds  23:10  
happen? So I feel like that was very realistic and I'm guessing I'm guessing that part was probably adding in because usually when you whenever you do a movie based on a true story, the love story is usually the thing that gets added in or embellished on. So I feel like that was in that moment I feel very grounded and very realistic because you imagine thinking that somebody has been dead for this long you moving on with your life and then turn around and then you see somebody that you grieved over because just because people die does not mean that you lose that love and emotions that you have for that person. So thinking that they're 100% dead and then actually seeing that person walk up to you and you still have those feelings but you have new feelings with someone else but those original feelings don't just go away it's it's not like by like no I don't love you no more because you were there like no it's like I still love you for her. She probably in that particular case if you switch it if I had to be in that role I wouldn't even want to know that was a lie.

Namon  24:05  
Yeah, that's a conflict that's a conflict I mean because

Dr. Saudia Twine  24:10  
now all those old feelings have come back to light right

Namon  24:13  
and she has no reason to get rid of them now because they you know they weren't they didn't end on like a negative thing he just got a shipped away

Dr. Saudia Twine  24:23  
you with someone you but there's nothing wrong they haven't done any Yes. Somebody over here on this other end is kind of calling you in you feel torn. Wasn't that a song about

Richard Dodds  24:38  
probably yeah sure as a song I

Namon  24:39  
would say another another concept of of movies and and or television giving the wrong idea. Any type of Disney movie any form of Disney in

Dr. Saudia Twine  24:54  
educate me I'm not really great on Cartoon so

Namon  24:58  
I mean I'm gonna just give you the

Richard Dodds  25:01  
basis don't probably the one I guess a broken down the most people have the biggest problem with beauty and

Dr. Saudia Twine  25:07  
I've never seen that so

Namon  25:08  
I'm just gonna break it down for you. Okay, you have a woman, you have a man who's a long distance away this woman feels like she's down and out. And she needs somehow to be saved. This man who somehow has all the tricks and magic up his sleeve to save her comes and saves her they live happily ever after you that's just Disney movies. That's like all Disney movie that's like every every Disney show, somebody is in trouble. This man comes and saves them and then they live happily ever after. So I don't

Dr. Saudia Twine  25:44  
remember supposed to be the fairy tale about I think that's the premise So Disney movies. So

Namon  25:49  
is that like that that's the thing though.

Richard Dodds  25:51  
So since you're not really familiar with like Disney movies like that, like just I just want to break down Beauty and the Beast. I don't remember every intricacy of it. But it was a prince and as Prince was very, he wasn't a nice person. So a witch and putting a champion on him and his castle and everybody in the castle that made him into a beast and everybody else into objects like cups and candles and stuff like that. And it was so and it was an it was a it was a chant it

Dr. Saudia Twine  26:22  
rose never in life. It's really so yeah, so

Richard Dodds  26:25  
it was an enchanted rose that if once all the petals fell off the rose, the cars will be permanent. So to break the curse they had the prince had to have someone fall in love with him as the beast. So what happens is that I can't remember exactly how bill gets to the castle, but she gets to the castle. And what do you mean

Namon  26:45  
he can remember?

Dr. Saudia Twine  26:47  
A little bit distorted reality think about that. But well, the

Namon  26:53  
what you call it Prince kissed a frog. Yeah. What is that? Right?

Richard Dodds  26:58  
Well, so so like, just just like that. So so the thing is, so it's like she got trapped in the castle with the bees. And so the waitstaff all of these singing did

Namon  27:13  
not get trapped in singing water there because she stepped in there thinking that she was gonna get her father back, either Oh, guest on some money, but realistically, guest I was having it because he just wanted bill in some Bail Bonds. Bail wasn't having it. Bail went up there to saw the bee's knees. She realized hmm, I like some black men.

Dr. Saudia Twine  27:35  
I like the Cliff Notes.

Namon  27:38  
Though, I swear.

Richard Dodds  27:40  
But she was just she was talking to console with the beast. And then she quote unquote, fell in love. So they said what is that when you fall in love with your captor? Back home? Yeah. So they're saying like, that's a classic case of Stockholm saying, but

Namon  27:52  
it wasn't though. She liked black men. And she didn't. There was no other. In the cartoon.

Richard Dodds  27:57  
He was a beast. Come on, but, but then he turns into like a turn on night. Like,

Namon  28:03  
turns into a white man. Just say it. Like he turns into a white man. Oh, God, we don't know who beast is at the beginning of the movie. It sets unrealistic expectations for kids. Okay. You're not about to meet. You're not about to meet a prince. That's a beast. And I mean, I guess realistically, it could be a bad thing for people. Because in the movie, if you think about it this way could mean like, alright, well, you're gonna meet this man. And then he's gonna be terrible to you at first, and then things are gonna get better. So essentially, horrible. That could be and that's what it could be setting people up for. I mean, honestly, like, because that's what they're about. Like,

Richard Dodds  28:39  
that's a great observation actually, really, really, truthfully.

Namon  28:43  
It'd be bad. Like, that could be like a problem with the generation that we saw

Dr. Saudia Twine  28:48  
in the beginning and then having that person to treat you well.

Namon  28:53  
Because the reason why I say that is because in the movie, Beast, basically it he's a cartoon abusive, shut up, don't eat that, you know, that type of stuff. So he's like cartoon abusive. He doesn't allow her to leave the castle. He doesn't allow her to do these things. Because he doesn't know her. He doesn't trust her. So what he does is she sets up all of these things. She's gonna win the beasts trust, and that's how she's going to get her father back. So when she wins the beast training, who has her father the beast? Because her daddy was doing stuff he wasn't supposed to be doing up at the castle. He got caught up. He got caught up.

Richard Dodds  29:33  
I just want to hear you like Mary Jo.

Namon  29:37  
At this point, that's true. You get caught up doing something at the castle and bees was like, Nah, I'm not gonna have so he snatched her daddy up. She went up there think she gonna save them? She had like a lantern and an overcoat. You're not gonna know. But I mean, she she goes on and like I say she endures all the abuse. She basically can aptiv, right? And then suddenly, she invites him to like dinner dresses him up. He looks like a really big pup and they have a bar, they have a ball, they dance and they realize like, oh, well, I'm an actually good dancer, which I don't know how he's dancing on pause, first of all, unreal expectation is just unreal. And I'm not saying because it's a cartoon, I'm just saying just the idea. Like, he was abusive at first. She worked through it and somehow magically got him not to be abusive. And he turned into a white man. I'm saying like, that's just terrible. That's a terrible concept. No,

Richard Dodds  30:40  
no, I'm a nun. Do you make me see Beauty and the Beast and it's not like, feeding the beast. I'm not really crazy about Disney movies anyway. And I mean, the other thing about Disney movies is as always, the princess needs saving. Yeah, I said recently, exception to recent movies. Set for frozen. I think it was frozen and maybe move on the way Did y'all talk? I would love to hear your like, tell the story. Like I can. Imagine y'all being at like a children's book reading y'all. Oh,

Dr. Saudia Twine  31:12  
I am the Bama. Dr. Seuss.

Namon  31:13  
Yeah. There you go. I want to black ties, Dr. Seuss.

Richard Dodds  31:22  
No, I would love to

Namon  31:23  
put some inspirational historical characters in there. I know. There's just so many times in Benjamin Banneker with like, you know what I mean? Like, you just changed.

Richard Dodds  31:33  
Yeah, for sure. I got so many so many different movies. And some I can think of top of my head somewhere. And now, like I'm thinking about like Jerry Maguire, like you. Are you familiar with Jerry Maguire? Both of y'all. It's like, So Jerry Maguire, I don't feel like he ever was necessarily in love with, like his wife. Like, I never really felt like he was he just wanted to be a father.

Dr. Saudia Twine  31:55  
No, no, no. See, that's the problem that people have,

Richard Dodds  32:00  
oh, there we go.

Dr. Saudia Twine  32:03  
Problem. People believe that if I don't have these initial butterfly, like emotions, that we do not have this connection, Jerry Maguire started recognizing, it wasn't that he wanted to be a dad to her son, he started recognizing the value of a relationship differently. So anyone who is trying to learn about the knowledge or Science of Love, Love is a decision. I decide I love you. So you don't just I love our time together and you're making me fall in love. No, you made a decision to love this person because you like how you are being treated from them whether it's good or not. So you decide to love them just like you turn it on, you can turn it off. It just takes more effort. And in Jerry Maguire, he started to love her. And as a result, if they would have showed this as this part, if it was that part. He would have seen the different things that helped him to be able to fall in love with her that would have just came organically from their time together. They didn't date in this movie, so but he watched I can't think of the names of their characters but he's he watched Regina key character to Cuba Gooding Jr. Jr. They got along. They were friends. They were business partners, and they had love for each other. He saw that and was impressed by it. He started looking at evaluating his own relationships or lack thereof differently. And that Grata he was engaged to he recognized this isn't lovey, but

Richard Dodds  33:35  
he did it. You know what that's like, honestly, like I was talking about it. But as honestly, like one of my favorite movies, I used to like no to words by heart. Like when he came into the room, he's like, hi, I do. This used to be me. They would send me into the living room in front of the family. And I love that I love that movie. That movie is that movie is great, but you kind of making me look at it and kind of a different way. Yeah, all of these movies are I need like Dr. Satya likes to sit next to us when we watch movies now. So so we're gonna break it down after we have like a conversation about there's a lot

Namon  34:07  
of weird stuff in movies in general. I mean, especially when it comes to Disney films. I mean, yeah, these are beyond another whole nother level a whole nother rail. Um, but I mean, I feel like I feel like a lot of movies these days. I mean, they're trying to get closer to being more realistic. But

Richard Dodds  34:26  
the thing is, is like honestly, the most realistic movies are movies that I really don't like, because realistic like I get realistic every day. So I feel like the the thing that I really trying to say is that just whenever people are trying to compare themselves, or their relationships and things that's going on, in their lives, to television, entertainment, remember, it's just entertainment. Yeah. And

Dr. Saudia Twine  34:49  
comparing their lives.

Richard Dodds  34:51  
I mean, that's a good question. Because I mean, I feel like some people don't have other good examples of really good relationships. And so I mean, Even though some movies kind of contribute to unhealthy behavior and toxic behavior and and at the end and say, Oh, we still end up together, we just fixed it. They don't show what it took to fix it. They didn't show that they had to choose love every day didn't show that they had to work on it every day just like magically is fixed and we live happily ever after.

Dr. Saudia Twine  35:19  
That will be Oh, but even then how can you show that that you know, we work on it? How can you show that we fixed it? Most people will tell you, these are things that you need to do, but they don't tell you the how. That's the intricate part. So there's no movie, no one movie that is going to show every single person and couple how to work on how you give or receive love. I have no one but

Namon  35:47  
I have a hitch. Now. I bring it back. And this is why because there's no because well, and I'm not talking about actually hitch I'm talking about the character he was helping

Richard Dodds  36:01  
John John or whatever,

Namon  36:04  
whatever. It doesn't matter. But I'm saying he actually helped him do the things that he needed to do to become the person he wanted to be for. Oh girl,

Richard Dodds  36:15  
I don't think he actually became a different person. I think he just he just actually was able to express himself without giving his all away.

Namon  36:22  
So wouldn't that be like an expression? No, no,

Dr. Saudia Twine  36:28  
he he told him to do all these things. Yeah, he did them and it appeared is it that's what got I think her name was Alexa or Allegra

Unknown Speaker  36:39  
okay. Come on.

Dr. Saudia Twine  36:44  
To try to help him become appealing to Allegra. And when Allegra came to him, and we were where he went to Lebanon was talking to her. She was like no, I didn't like him. None of those things. And she started identifying the real person. I was like, Oh, so you mean to stop that I was giving him that and attractive. And she was like, No, I don't know what you're talking about. Interesting.

Richard Dodds  37:05  
I just like want to go watch this movie. Interesting. That's awesome. It was some scenes that got cut out with Chris the baler. That character if y'all remember her dad, that was the one that Will Smith's character hitch was in love with at the beginning. Who broke his heart? The college girl yeah, it was some scenes that was cut out that I really enjoyed. It was great. But I mean, it was basically Hey, ran into her as an adult like as a grown hitch now like as a as a grown person that he had become he ran into? Not I didn't do it in a movie.

Dr. Saudia Twine  37:40  
He didn't run into her anymore.

Richard Dodds  37:43  
Nana theoretically, not at the what is it? The actual cool release? No. Okay. So it was some kind of scenes where he did where they did and she was kind of looking at my Oh, hi. Even though he was still like the same Will Smith that he was the beginning.

Namon  37:58  
But he will smith though. So. I mean, it's Will Smith. So who knows? Right?

Richard Dodds  38:04  
So yeah, I'm moving on to talk about right now. Are you talking about i think i think i love my wife. Oh, yeah.

Namon  38:11  
I told you I'm not really familiar with the Have you ever seen that Dr. Saadia with Chris Rock?

Dr. Saudia Twine  38:18  
You familiar with Dr. Named Gina Torres.

Richard Dodds  38:21  
I know I just know she's married to Laurence Fishburne.

Namon  38:24  
Now. What do you think? I mean, with your your take on? I mean, relationships and things like that. You say you've seen it? Yeah. So what do you think your take on relationships? Do you think that movie has like some realistic aspects to it? Because I mean,

Richard Dodds  38:42  
I feel like, yeah,

Namon  38:45  
I would say there's comparisons. There's lots of comparisons to to a lot of relationships that I've seen either people being or, you know, just just reflecting on that. What do you think?

Dr. Saudia Twine  38:56  
I totally agree with that. Just that home life. Most people get caught in the rut of being normal and boring. Yeah, they look back to Dang, I was living the life. Right? You had all this different stuff that you didn't have any safety, no security, you didn't have any real connection, you didn't have this support with this one person that was always there. So you miss your miss that now you have it. And it's like I miss the excitement. But isn't that kind of way of saying that you don't have drama. So what happened to get somebody

Namon  39:33  
gets a job I

Richard Dodds  39:33  
think I think kind of part of that movie too, though, was kind of show they kind of started to neglect. They stopped doing the things for each other that they were doing. And I feel like it's kind of important to reconnect whenever you're in a relationship

Dr. Saudia Twine  39:47  
where when I hear people say they need to do all these things, and reconnect. We have to consider real life and what's happening. So at the end of the day, let's just be real So yes, I'm going to data. But for for real, when we look at a relationship and make any work, you aren't always getting along, you aren't always doing the right thing. Or what you are doing is you are appreciating you're expecting, and you are showing this person that you are there, which overall shows that you love them because I look like kids, I'm not sexy. Okay? They're just not your boss, Dylan with you, you know, their current you deal with them and their craziness, not sexy, you come to being upset or upset with family members. It's hard to do that. Oh, yeah, they don't forget we got a date night. I mean, it's hard to schedule that. And if you have young kids, shoot, forget about it. Good. Just getting a nap every night. So I think it's important for real couples to remember, you will have some periods in your relationship. Well, guess what, you may not be as close as you're desiring. But that's okay. Stay with it, stay connected, and still continue to do things together. Because every relationship goes through this period where you're in love, you're best friends, and love best friends. Because that's what solidifies this healthy relationship. They built this foundation for building what Dr. Gardner calls his sound relationship house, you have to have that friendship element. But that means if I'm a friend, I'm working on that just as much as I'm working on this other part of the actual relationship. Marry, people don't have enough sex, Oh, stop playing WoW. The way that they connect, and probably the wrong thing to do just a whole different element right there. But very people need to keep that element. Because when you don't have time for the romance and all that, you find that connection when you are one on one, and you have that intimate relationship in that moment. That's how you get that connection that you might have been missing all week. But in that moment, I can wrap up the week, the month because I'm either I wish you Angelin, which you were one on one, and you get me I get you, I'm pleasuring you, you pleasuring me. And then that builds that connection. But when you don't make that time for that, then all this other stuff will seem like oh, we call but you don't really have exactly what it is that you need, because another important element is missing.

Richard Dodds  42:24  
Maybe that's what I was thinking of, because it just felt like he was trying. It was something that he was missing that he was longing for. He was more physical. He wanted to be more physical. He was ganda night there. And I don't feel like he was actually where he needed to be mentally. When it came to being engaged. And his wife with his wife in their day to day I should have been, I just felt like it was things that both of them were longing for from each other, and neither one of them were given

Dr. Saudia Twine  42:53  
to really hear one another. Just because you're saying it doesn't mean you're communicating, when he wasn't realized. I can't remember now. But they had a number of kids that were yelling and screaming. Baby involved.

Richard Dodds  43:03  
Yeah, it was a baby. So I'm gonna be

Dr. Saudia Twine  43:05  
funny, but sometimes that's gonna be a little bit insensitive. That your hoo ha, to have this? Come at you. Trying to keep it PG?

Namon  43:19  
I don't know, you could have said no. He said whatever you want to say my

Dr. Saudia Twine  43:23  
world. I say real technical. I'm okay.

Namon  43:27  
I like who I like, who has given everything a nickname,

Dr. Saudia Twine  43:34  
but you have to be respectful. I remember literally, I dated a guy in college. And you know, it didn't work out what happened. We were really cool. We were really great fans. And then you know, he wanted to date so we try that just didn't work out. Well, we lost touch or what have you. His wife didn't want us remain in France. Mike the respect that that makes sense. Well, fast forward. This had a bit of time where Google came out. Because he said he was sitting on a couch. His wife had just given birth, they had a six week old. And they were watching 2020. And Google was saying how you can look up anyone. So he got his head. Next, if I could get back in touch with a number

Namon  44:15  
of years after we get him a baby and all this.

Dr. Saudia Twine  44:20  
Do you see the connection? At work? Because my job I do things in the media. And he calls me a work where he told me that story. Oh, you mean to tell me your wife just got through opening up her vagina bringing up the air to your throat. Here calling me I should be the last person on your Mac get back to your wife and reminding her who she is because more than likely she's not feeling her best. She's not her pretty. She's tired. She's taking care of your two kids. And here you are trying to remember this.

Namon  44:55  
I mean communication. I guess going back to that that's like the whole thing. She's the head She needs. Yeah.

Dr. Saudia Twine  45:02  
As Carissa was say, communication is key. I love that commercial. Not even. It's not even

Richard Dodds  45:09  
it wasn't a TV show. No, it's just

Dr. Saudia Twine  45:11  
as Lady they did a YouTube or whatever video I think a Facebook video where she was talking about Chick fil A.

Richard Dodds  45:20  
Now you're not naming soccer.

Namon  45:22  
Now that's a relationship that's up on Sunday says the relationship I can get with?

Richard Dodds  45:29  
Would there be any closing thoughts that you would tell people when, when done or relationships and looking at television and stuff and thinking that everything is gonna be perfect all the time? And

Dr. Saudia Twine  45:40  
don't do it? Hell no, don't do that. On TV, unless it's a true life was a to e story. But I mean, really, movies are meant to entertain us. Yes, they give us some education, but they give us more entertainment and you cannot rely on a movie to educate you to show you how to have a good healthy, lasting loving relationship. The only way you're going to get that is to become that you have to be the thing that you want. And if you don't know how to be that Gunkel looking in the movie, go talk to somebody that can help you to do that.

Richard Dodds  46:24  
Where's it was on from Dr. Sadi? Yes,

Namon  46:26  
love that's it.

Richard Dodds  46:29  
Don't Don't try to don't try to play a humble you know, we love having you on we really appreciate you coming through for those. For those maybe like two people who don't know. Give them a little bit about who you are, and let them know what I can find you.

Dr. Saudia Twine  46:49  
Well, I am Dr. Scotty twine, I am a marriage and family therapist duly licensed as a licensed professional counselor. So I have a private practice here in Michigan. But to be completely honest, I don't talk about that a lot more about the stuff that I do outside of the therapy room. Because so many so many clients, you can see that you can help so many more people in your community those around you. So I like to do a lot of community events, but more so I would say right now I am pushing my subscription box. Because it is talking about relationships and love many times we struggle to show up healthy in a relationship. Sometimes we identify as too emotional, I feel is so disrespectful. It's not too emotional, it means that I'm more emotionally abused. And instead of you coming up to be more emotional, you want me to come down so that you don't have to put forth an effort. That's fine. So I basically helped two types of people those subscription boxes called the next box, you can go to any of my handles that arrows was a.de.com or go to Aerosmith. On Instagram, click the link in the bio there on the website. And it will take you to a webpage about the next button in the scription box. And we help hurting hearts as well as Healing Hearts to different types of people. Somebody who is actually working through a recent breakup or dissolution of the marriage, helping them to feel healthfully, and to be able to move forward being able to identify healthy people that will give them the model fitness and neatness they want in their relationship, but also help helping people who may not have had a recent breakup. But maybe I'm still troubled struggling to try to find the right type of person that is good for me. That gives me what I need from a relationship or as well as heal from past relationships or childhood traumas. And I just kind of just use emotional coaching from an attachment based approach to helping people to really be able to love healthier to be able to have the love that they want for their next relationship

Richard Dodds  48:57  
well, as always, thanks you for listening to be a part of the conversation. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. I reckon Amy, please be sure to rate and subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting app. You can follow me at diez ism and that's the odd s is m and you can find name and

Namon  49:14  
I am DJ blue. Everything Yeah. So see I need that she gave me that dagger Richard never does that. He never backs me up. Why did you get it forever?

Richard Dodds  49:33  
Until next time, boys and girls remember there's always

Namon  49:35  
a next time

Transcribed by https://otter.ai