Have you ever been in a situation where at face value everything looked great, but for some reason, you just couldn't commit? You may have commitment issues, don't feel back we have had them too. In this episode, we discuss the times we have had commitment issues and how we've grown from them. As always to be a part of the conversation you can find us on Facebook and Instagram @RickAndNamon.
Host and Producer: Richard "Rick" Dodds @Doddsism
Co-Host and Show Music: @IAmTheDjBlue
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Richard Dodds 0:00
This relationship talks with Ric and naman, I'm
Rick. And I am the DJ blue and his name is DJ blue.
Richard Dodds 0:09
So naman, what's up? Every now and then you have those situations where we may find someone. That's pretty good for us. Okay, before one reason,
oh my god, what like, What do you mean?
Richard Dodds 0:23
They're good for us like somebody that fishes Well, somebody that we can see ourselves with? Okay. But for one reason or another, you just can't commit?
No, what do you do? What's, where's this going? Is this a question? Are you talking about somebody? What's happening? So
Richard Dodds 0:44
naming one, have you ever dealt with commitment issues?
I'm starting to feel a little bit attack we've been talking to. It sounds like so it sounds like you've been talking to someone and I don't really like the way this is going. Yeah, let's talk about your commitment issues. Richard,
Richard Dodds 1:02
I've definitely had commitment issues myself, you know, and I think about it, I think about the times that I've have had commitment issues. And usually the times when I've had commitment issues is when I've had like a ton of really good options. And I wasn't, I wasn't quite done exploring those options, and I wasn't ready to, to not so your oil loads. Now, it's just I guess the times that that happened, it was more so it's so much more for me to explore. I don't know if I've seen enough. And I don't know if the situation is good enough. While it is good. You give up on all the other possible situation.
Oh, so you say like that. Now? I've never been in a situation like that, though. I mean, that's a that's valid, though. That's not really like, commitment issue. I
Unknown Speaker 1:50
would say no, no,
I would say no. I mean, you're more or less just weighing your options. I think commitment to me like that's it. If you say that you're more or less just saying hey, well, have you ever been in a committed situation? And then, you know, had issues with that type of commitment? And I would say he more or less? Yeah, oh, well. And I mean, obviously, like I say that the one thing I the situation I was in that was the longest situation, it wasn't that it was hard to commit, it was more or less like, when you, you you commit to being with someone and you commit to being what they want you to be and say, for example, you're being everything they want to be, and then they they think that you're lying to them. So immediately, you're like, Well, I'm not enjoying myself, like you say I should, so maybe I should not be with you. I mean, like not come in? And kind of I mean, honestly, that's that would be the only way I would say that, that I've had situations that but any other time. I've never committed to anyone or or committed to any type of situation that I didn't think that I could fully give 100% commitment to
Richard Dodds 3:05
do you feel like you have commitment issues?
In most situations, yeah, I do. I mean, not not in relationships, I believe that loyalty is important. And honesty is important. I would say other aspects of mine, I don't like to commit my time before I know what I'm going to be doing. Because there's so many things that I'd like to do, but I only have like 24 hours in a day. And sometimes that 24 hours is taken up doing something else. So I mean, I like to be I like to have an open availability. You know what I mean? I don't know, that's not commitment, though. Like, you know what I mean, like that, not in relationships, I would say as it pertains to relationships. No, I don't think I would have any type of commitment issues.
Richard Dodds 3:45
Yeah. You know, like when it comes to time, and I think relationships have a lot to do with time, you know, me like I'm willing to commit and commit fully, but the thing is
fast and hard. Shut up. I'm sorry, wait, the things that recording Yes, it
Richard Dodds 4:00
was recorded. The thing that I've always been like kind of afraid of is wasting my time. Like I never want to waste my time like and that's not saying like being in a relationship that doesn't get to the end goal that you want as a waste of time as is. I don't want somebody playing with my emotions that was never, ever intended to do to go anywhere. If you know we're talking about going somewhere, they never really had those intentions. Or if there's an event like I don't want to be sitting here waiting for somebody to get here. When they say they will be at a certain time. So
So wait, what does that have to do with commitment?
Richard Dodds 4:36
I mean commitment like I'm just saying like it's not like a waste of my time. You know, I'm saying you found me
is has nothing to do with commitment, though. That's not you committing that's the other person committing I mean,
Richard Dodds 4:48
if I'm committed, I'm committed to be somewhere a lot deeper and more committed to be somewhere at a certain time and somebody else's commit and to be there at that same place at that time for a specific reason. If I'm coming admitted to doing that and that person is not there, then I felt like that's always the time.
Oh, of course. Oh, yeah, that's that is a waste of time because you're committed to being there. But that doesn't mean you have. I'm so confused. Maybe this is just something you should be talking about to your therapist. I'm not quite sure.
Richard Dodds 5:20
What do you think? What do you think these issues come from?
Honestly, I would say it's got to be something from childhood. I mean, I don't know. That's that that's actually a really good question. If I were to ever throw out any examples of, like, when I think of younger, I just remember. I mean, as far as I would say, the reason why I commit would be like being younger, seeing my mom commit to her church, I'm seeing, I don't know, seeing other people commit to their jobs the way they do seeing other people do those things. Um, so I don't know. I don't know when that starts. And it could start older, it could start after high school, it could start in high school, it could, it could start at any time. But I mean, when you're when we're kids, we don't really have commitment at all, you know, we're not, you know, we don't have commitment, your only job is to, you know, do what is natural, which is what go to school, there's no commitment there. So that's it.
Richard Dodds 6:17
That's hard. I mean, it is a commitment to go to school, you think about it at different ages, you
don't have a choice, though.
Richard Dodds 6:24
I mean, you can commit to I mean, even in school, right now,
if you elementary or anything like that, you don't really have a choice to go to school, she's gonna be there, no matter what,
Richard Dodds 6:32
even if even if you are there, you can commit to actually excel in that school, or at least giving your all
I'm saying like, at that age, at that age, no child is going you know what I'm gonna go excuse me, I'm gonna be the best that I can be and actually be the best that they can be, you know, to be like, that's, that's our mindset. I
Richard Dodds 6:56
was. That was me in middle school. Why would you talk about? But I'm saying
though, it's like, not a lot of people grew up as little nerds. There it is. I'm saying not a lot of people grew up that way. I'm just saying. So when you get to high school and places like that, where you actually have to have, like commitment. And like I said, even if when like you said in middle school, who did you see commit to whatever they committed to? What was the commitment examples for you?
Richard Dodds 7:26
I think I've seen like my parents committed to each other. Can parents committed to other things, school, you know, some students committed to academics, some students committed to sports, you know, it's various levels of commitments that people made all over the place.
What made you decide to be committed? I think the in your relationship now,
Richard Dodds 7:49
Mr. relationship now? Yes. Easy, like I wasn't ready to go. You're like, whoa, wait, your relationship now?
What made you decide to commit what point at what point did you say, You know what, I'm gonna make a commitment.
Richard Dodds 8:05
You know, the person that I'm dating now, we were dating for a little bit before we actually committed to being an actual relationship. But the thing about it was for me, honestly, in my heart, I was already committed to her. Yeah. When we start first started kicking in, and I really, no surprise, what does that mean? And I really got
everybody who knows you, Richard. Everybody who knows, you knows you, Richard. Oh, and if you know, you know.
Richard Dodds 8:37
Anyway, so when when I really saw what kind of person she was, he likes
me. Oh, my God, I'm in love.
Richard Dodds 8:46
Anyway, if I get
a job and all of our teeth, oh, my God, I'm in love if I could
Richard Dodds 8:51
be allowed to finish my sentence. So hey, good, no, but like, once I saw what kind of person she was, and I got to know her better, it was really easy to commit, because she's everything that I have no looking for. And everything that I want, and she made me feel. It's nothing like being with somebody that makes you feel like you're so I have a question. Wow. Harrison The other question that you have.
I know, but I don't. I don't. Go ahead. All the time. Go ahead. Literally just had this conversation yesterday about how you interrupt the things that I say I asked you if you're offended. Yeah, I'm finished. You don't remember that? No, don't don't make me Richard anywho Anywho. My question is, it's gonna it's from what you just said, talking about commitment and things like that. You said she had everything that you were looking for. Right? What was that you were looking for, as far as like to say to you that, hey, I'm gonna be committed in this relationship. What was that? What were you looking for what particular thing or was it multiple things?
Richard Dodds 9:50
It was multiple things, but it wasn't like, Oh, she has to be this tall. She has to look like this. It was more so I want somebody that will match my energy, someone that will be a partner to me and their relationships. Anyone who communicate with me the same way that I will communicate with them, someone who helps me feel like myself, you know what I mean? Sometimes you get in relationships, and you're with somebody, and you don't feel like yourself when you with them. And that's not a good thing. You know, she right? Being around her, encouraged me, help, help me push me made me want to be better. And we really complement each other. And we elevate each other. I feel like we're created the urge to commit. I mean, so I feel like you know, when you meet when you see something, I've seen enough, and I've been in enough relationships and around enough ships set up to know, to know what I'm looking for any relationship and she checked boxes that I didn't even know that I needed checked.
Right? And that's that. That's, I'm glad you said that. Because look, I was gonna ask you. And that's, that's funny, like, how did you know you were looking for those things, if you didn't even know she, she could provide those things that are extra. That's an interesting concept
Richard Dodds 11:00
there. So I mean, you in that particular instance, I'm gonna I'm in a stage in my life where I have experienced enough stuff, like I've dated enough women, you know, middle age, right? Not middle age. But, you know, I, I've experienced enough to where I knew what I was looking for. And I was looking for the next step in my life. And I was just looking for the person to commit to and and saying that I wasn't just looking for anybody to the point.
Thank God cuz bro, I tell you, them some of the conversations that we had in those times, I'd be like, you, you know, and then I'll be like, Nah, cuz you'd be like, man. You just be stupid. like nah, cuz then I go work, bro. I
Richard Dodds 11:47
don't know what the slander is right now. But I don't like it.
And I'm glad you you finally figured out you or your reasons to commit to the right person.
Richard Dodds 11:58
But what I'm saying is that, yeah, it had to be the right person. For me to be willing to commit at this point, it had to be the right person. And I found the person, the right person, you know, cuz everybody didn't deserve that commitment. No. And a lot of times, you know, both of us have done this. A lot of times we give our commitment to people who don't deserve that commitment. Yeah. And we'll be fully committed to a wrong situation. And it really feels a lot better to be fully committed to a right situation. Right? This is the right path. Yes, the right path is something that's healthy for you. A lot of times we will commit to things that are unhealthy situations, we will commit to unhealthy people, we will see like, like we talked about last episode, we will see red flags, and we will commit to those Yes, this is it. Even though everything in my mind is telling me and my friends are telling me that this ain't it. But I'm still committed to making this work. Yeah. And I think about situations that I have been in. It's kind of like the opposite. Do I have commitment issues? I think commitment issues comes in all shapes of forms. Like sometimes I committed to people, just kind of like I said, I shouldn't have been coming. Oh,
I know. That's 100% true, though, because and that's why I said that, you know, a lot of people, they don't deserve that particular commitment. And I think that each person, you know, of course, yeah, you deserve your own type of commitment, but maybe not from the particular person that you're seeking it from, right. Like they may be, they may be given the type of commitment that they're, they're accustomed to, and then you're you're receiving it however, you're not receptive, because that's not the type of commitment that's for you,
Richard Dodds 13:35
man. So I mean, think about situations where you've been where people have been in and myself included, and a toxic relationship. And this is going around around in circles. And it's just, you know, that it's not right. And every time you have that down, you're like, I'm committed to making this thing work, when, after a certain while, you got to look at it objectively and say, like, we're not a good fit for each other. Right, and I should not be committed to this. So on that side like that, is that That's definite way of looking at commitment issues, because you can have commitment issues where you're afraid to commit and you won't commit for whatever reason. And you can have issues where you commit to things that you shouldn't commit to wrong situations, commit to wrong people. And I feel like that might be just as bad.
Yeah, I think so too.
Richard Dodds 14:24
I think a lot with commitment comes with with trust,
trust, and I would say trust is definitely a big form of trust and loyalty. Yeah. I mean, loyalty, you want to make sure that whoever you're committed to in your relationship, especially that you can trust that they're, they're comfortable with your commitment, because a lot of people you know, they don't they don't want what your that says they don't want what you're given.
Richard Dodds 14:49
I mean, not only that, sometimes you can be committed to situations that aren't committed to you. Yeah. And worse, that you know that that sounds like the ground rules. For a situation ship,
I'm committed to eating cheese, but cheese. It's not committed. committed to being sweet to me. That's doggone Sure. That's for sure.
Richard Dodds 15:13
So what are some what? What are some ways you think that we can overcome some commitment issues?
Um, what are some ways that we can overcome some commitment issues? Um, the first thing as always, it's going to be in top of the list. Can you guess what it is? What therapy? Communication? Okay, yeah, that's the first thing therapy would be second. I mean, honestly, you, that's a hard one, because everyone has a commitment issue, or not necessarily everyone has a commitment issue, but everyone has, I would say, commitment. apprehensive, misses, right?
Richard Dodds 15:52
So not so
apprehensive, apprehensive when it comes to commitment, because you're giving, you're, you're committing yourself, I mean, it's using the word a comm you're committing yourself, you're telling this person that you're gonna be pretty much everything that whatever, hey, whatever you guys decide, it's gonna stick to that. A lot of people have a problem doing that simply because, I mean, you're giving away pretty much all of your cards, you're giving away your vulnerability pretty well, you're giving them the vulnerability, if you will. And just releasing that from yourself. Now you're, you're, you're open, you're, you can be poked, your heart is free. You know what I mean? Your heart is on your sleeve. Now,
Richard Dodds 16:34
the more open you are to receive love, the more vulnerable you are to be punctured by that person.
Yeah. And that's, I think that's a fear a lot of people have, well, why wouldn't you? Nobody wants to be hurt. Nobody wants to be told, hey, you know, thank you for being around me all this time, and, you know, loving me and dating me and doing all these things. But uh, you know, I think I'm gonna want to move on. You know, I don't, I don't think I'm ready to commit anymore to whatever this is again, like, so. It's a tough pill to swallow.
Richard Dodds 17:09
I think there's so many approaches to trying to come over overcome commitment issues. And one of the things I like to say is that, how can I commit to someone else if I can't commit to myself? Yeah. If I can't keep a promise to myself, How can I keep a promise to someone else? Because commitment is a promise.
Yeah, it's a it's a it's an agreement.
Richard Dodds 17:37
Yeah. So if I'm not able to make an agreement with myself and keep that agreement, how could I keep it? How could I be true to somebody else? But I feel like, you know, to really understand the issues that I face. For me, sometimes commitment, it wasn't that I was having a commitment issue. I just haven't hadn't found that person I made me want to commit that deserved exactly as I deserve your level of commitment. And then times where I committed to quickly I think, part of that comes with
Oh, my God, let's count shot. Shoot should do like a countdown. It's not even I mean, you don't even know, man, I could think one don't you start thinking Damn, I got three at least now I got at least I got three, at least on the tip of my teeth, terrible commitment issues that terrible times where you committed and you should know.
Richard Dodds 18:26
Yeah, but you know, you live in you learn. I think from those situations, I kind of learned to be more objective. And I hate to say because the way that I've seen the world so long is that I'm so trusting what people say. And I take them at face value until they disprove me. And I think I'm a little bit more cautious now. So in those situations, it all ended the same way I had to really look at yourself that thing that I was committed to and take a logical approach to getting that button. No, that's not what it was. I was really committed
to get to that sort. It was a
Richard Dodds 19:10
situation in our relationship. But it really, I really had to take a step back and look at what I was committed to and understand whether or not that was the thing that I really wanted to be tied to and committed to. Or if I needed to search for another situation and that I feel like that is a very valid thing. Whether you commit it to a job, whether you're committed to a project or a person. I think you really have to understand what you're committing to. And if it's another person and make sure that that person is committed to you the same way that you are committed to no more or at least attempting to have the times that you felt like you've had commitment issues. Do you feel like it was an issue that you were having, or do you feel like it was a person that you were just not sure to commit to
hmm, see when the When I was having, I would say commitment issues, it was definitely with someone that I desperately wanted to be with and wanted to commit to how ever, um, there were those subtle signs there were. So those subtle things that I did not know, because I wasn't mature enough to catch those things, that it was just like, hey, this is probably not a good idea for me. And, you know, the fact that I did have apprehensions on committing that should have been my first first what we call red flag, if you will, that should have been my first red flag, like hold on, like, I know who I am, I know the type of person I am. If I like you, I love you. That's just basically how I am. So, you know, if I get into a situation where, you know, I like you, and they're, hey, I'm supposed to commit to you and I don't, then chances are I don't I don't want to give you that particular commitment. I can give you another commitment. But I can't commit to you in that format. And and, you know, and that that particular situation I was in I could I did not recognize that. Yes. Wow. Hey, being respectful. I want to be loyal. I want to be faithful. I want to be committed to you. But those weren't things that she deserved from me particularly.
Richard Dodds 21:12
Hmm. Man, that's a that's a that's a heck of a revelation.
Yeah, it is. And, and I would say for me, like, you see a lot of things and, and I always look at things because I've been using the terminology perspective, right? Yeah, exactly. And I could, I told you, like you, you helped me see, like, but there's always another way, there's always another way. And looking at it through those visuals, like I'm committing to what this person wants and their needs and their wants. However, they can't commit to me because they don't have what I need, you know what I mean? Like, like, they, they're the idea, the idea that I don't want to commit to them means that they do not have what I need for for them to commit to me fully.
Richard Dodds 21:55
Hmm. That's, that's something to think about. So that's, that's it, saying that the issue was, is that something new is telling you that that's not what you should be committed to?
Exactly. Because we as humans, we we we feed right, we give we give, we give and we want to receive that. However, you know, I was in a situation where I wanted to give but I definitely wasn't receiving anything that I needed. And therefore the commitment that I was giving, it left me empty. So when I went to give that type of commitment, when I went to be that particular person that they were needing, you know, I find myself scared, I find myself, you know, kind of really apprehensive and just, just not wanting to be a part of it. And therefore Hey, very distant and very, very bad, very toxic.
Richard Dodds 22:41
I think when when we were talking about earlier, and you asking me why I wanted to commit to the person that I'm with now. And I talked about being around her and even my family notices that like you are yourself around her, you guys are playful together, and you look like you have so much fun. Having that situation, what you kind of describe the it kind of takes you from being who you are, right, those kind of situations end up making you somebody that you're not used to being, and you kind of get like lethargic and you you don't do the things that you used to enjoy, and you don't feel like yourself anymore. So you stopped doing stuff that that you used to love, and you're not sometimes and a lot of times in those situations, you you forget who you really are sometimes, and that's one of the scariest things that you could ever do in a relationship was forget who you are as an individual. Because even when you end a relationship, whether you're married or not, you have individual needs.
Yeah, anywhere, anywhere, I mean that because the thing is, I say before you even think about committing to someone else, you need to figure out how to commit to yourself. And that means being honest to yourself, being true to yourself, being real to yourself, and being all of those things, I think that you would want to give to that that person or to that particular whatever it is whatever you want to commit to, I think that hey, commit to yourself first. Yeah. Give yourself that that commitment. And so that you know what that feels like to be honest with you. You know what that feels like to not to betray yourself? betray your own love that you should have for yourself?
Richard Dodds 24:16
Yeah, I definitely agree. It definitely does start to come in commitment to yourself because if you're doing something for somebody else, a lot of times you're not really fully committed to you might be committed to helping them but a lot of times you won't be as successful as you will be if you were committed to doing the thing that you were trying to accomplish. Like I'm thinking about maybe not working out every day you're not committed to working out and you just do it because somebody else wants you to do it. There's gonna be a lot harder to do that. You're attacking me again. Nah, me Wow, do
you like this whole episode? You've been attacking me? Like I just wrote
Richard Dodds 24:50
this episode just attacking. Just attack you.
Talk about your commissioning issue.
Richard Dodds 24:58
Don't talk about name and right Come
meet me the shoes.
Richard Dodds 25:03
I think that there are levels to commitment. I think there's levels to commitment. And I definitely think that you can commit to a friendship. And you can absolutely, and you can commit to being a friend. But you can't you might not be able to commit to being a partner with someone.
I would say, I mean, I'm gonna use this very specific example. I don't know if she's listening. But if she is, my barber, I'm like, I would say in this situation 100% Look, I'm committed don't Barber, that's my dog. Always cut my hair always there for me. So in that situation, totally committed to my barber, Anna and a lot of people. And apparently, this is the thing that barbers actually talk about, like when their clients go to different people. But thing is, I didn't break my commitment, because I didn't like my barber, I broke my commitment, because it was convenient. You know, I'm saying. So, I would say, I would say for me, I look at everything in that more that format. You know, if it's not the fact that hey, you know, I didn't, I didn't like it, or I didn't, I didn't want that. And it just go to relationships as well. It's not the fact that I didn't like it. I didn't want it's just that, hey, this other situation was slightly a little bit better for me. So therefore, I had to I had to put my commitments elsewhere.
Richard Dodds 26:24
I mean, I mean, that makes total sense. And even though you might be in a relationship with somebody, I've been in relationships before, like, like you have as well, like, I committed to be somebody's boyfriend, but I couldn't commit to being their husband.
Yeah. Oh, man. That's scary. You know, that he said, that just gave me some pts.
Richard Dodds 26:45
So it's like, it's levels that you can commit, like, you can commit a certain amount to somebody. But it's not necessarily just because you can commit a one level does not mean that you're ready to commit at that next level. Right. And now always goes back to that thing that we always talk about is communication. And to know that if you were somebody that they can commit to you, but if they're not talking about committing to a marriage, and that's what you're looking for. And that's the level of commitment that you want to have, and they're not matching your level of commitment, then I might be something that you need to evaluate, because maybe you're committed to the wrong thing.
Yeah. Yeah, you gotta be even be real sad. You gotta be real. You gotta be real sad when that that that time comes, you ready for everything to be, you know, situated, and they not committed? Yeah, that's just the bottom line.
Richard Dodds 27:39
Have you ever do you feel like you ever dated someone that had commitment issues themselves? Yes. What was that situation?
Richard Dodds 27:48
What was that situation? That's the next question.
So I would say it's okay, like I said, I recognize things generally, from a distance, like, it didn't really matter. So I see things. As they come to me pretty much. And in this situation, it's like, I could see that, you know, the idea that she had committed, um, she, she wanted to be in a relationship and the relationship she was in with me, she enjoyed how ever there wasn't really, you know, much commitment on her side, but she didn't want to really commit. And she made that clear by, you know, the emojis when you when you send text messages. You know, as they're, like, you know, the whole we'll see, possibly, you know, those things we'll see. And I know those things, because see me personally, like, if you ask me, Hey, you know, I maybe, you know, hey, I'm fully, I'm not fully gonna commit, but yeah, that's the thing she did. And then I noticed, you know, she's still, you know, has some unresolved issues with her, her ex, and, you know, those issues that I could foresee, you know, she definitely did not see those things. And then she ended up back with her ex. She ended up not with her ex
Richard Dodds 29:03
so it sounds like she had one foot out the door and she was committed to you. Yes, another better situation come along, or Yeah, exactly.
And, and that was the that was the thing that I was saying, you know, and in the situation like I said, the example I use with my barber that's business, you know, particularly that's all business right? No personal in there. But when you have a person that does you like that, that's personal. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because, you know, it's if you're leaving someone because this next person is convenient, that is a that is kinda what's the word toxic? Yeah, it's definitely toxic. And there's no there's terrible commitment there. That's
Richard Dodds 29:41
like terrible that doesn't feel like commitment. That is something it's like a temporary. It's almost like you're, you're a holder, like you're a holder, you're just placeholder placeholder. So what I'm looking for Yeah,
yeah, essentially, but I didn't even see it that way. Because like I said, you know if if I'm apprehensive about committing To you, then there's probably a reason why neither one of us should be making any type of commitments like this to each other. There. So I'm not I'm not even mad about it like any anytime, like, I'm not mad about him because, you know, hindsight being 2020 If I look at the whole picture, you know, I noticed all of the bad things that were happening I noticed all of the issues. Whether it was you know, coming, we talked about those issues meeting you personally, like, Hey, you can go operate that story. Like I everything, everything that happened, I already had like foreshadowed the idea like I foreshadowed the thought I talked about it, and then it happened. And I'm just like, man, dang. Dang, man, like, what did I do? Like, what how did I get myself here? So yeah, those situations, they they in kind of strange, but I mean, it's important, Hey, you, if you if you're gonna, if you're gonna keep those things up, communicate, communicate.
Richard Dodds 31:00
I mean, I definitely I definitely agree with you. I feel like the situation that I was in with someone who wasn't necessarily as committed to me was a little bit different. And I think that they were committed to being in a relationship with me, but I don't think they were committed to learning me as an individual in a way that I was committed to learning them as an individual, which you should when you're in a relationship,
that should be like your, your main goal is to figure out that person because I think fun things are fun, you know, everything, all of the the outside, things are fun. But those are the things you'll see automatically. Like you need to get into that person get into their mind and figure out what makes them tick, you need to get to know. Yeah.
Richard Dodds 31:43
And the thing about this is that I was with someone who didn't get to know me the way that they should have gotten to know me in a relationship. And I felt like that is like the number one goal because having fun you can have for pretty much anybody. And if it's just about and you know, that's what it's going to be. But if you're looking to actually build a life for somebody, you will need and get another individual. And I feel like the way that I was getting treated by that individual was based off of the other men that she had dated the other men that had been in her life. And she was treating me like I was one of them. But I was so far, I was so far from being one of those guys, that she really didn't get to see me for me. So she didn't get to she never treated me like, like I was me. She treated me like I was just another dude.
Yeah, she kept using using her past as an excuse.
Richard Dodds 32:39
Yeah, I mean, and it wasn't even something that was always readily apparent. But that's so annoying. The thing is, is when when you hear somebody tell a story about people, and they tell you enough of these stories, you start to see a pattern. And it's like, yeah, a lot of people that are similar. I am not like any of those people, but you are treating me like I want it on people. And that's not It's not fair for me, and I'm committed to you. And I've committed to getting to know you and everything about you, but you haven't committed to get to know me. And I think that's like going back to my situation. Now. I think that's one of the most beautiful things we have both been so committed again to know, every, every aspect of each other, the good and bad. I feel like after dating her for a couple months, I felt like she knew me more than some of the women that I had dated for, you know, months, a whole bunch of months. So
wait, wait, wait, wait, you, you realize what you just said? Yes. I feel like she knew me enough in the couple of months that we dated longer than the other people who knew me in more months.
Richard Dodds 33:41
No, I said so. I feel like in two months when we initially started dating that she hadn't knew me she had known me more than women that I had dated for six and seven months.
You say that before but okay, we don't keep it moving. Your your timelines a little wonky. You'd be dating a lot of women. No, you were you were dating. Well, you the US getting us getting kind of caught up in the sauce
Richard Dodds 34:05
was a lot like I don't think it was a lot.
I mean, if you talking about like multiples, like I can think of like two to three. Like that time we went to um Wait a minute. Oh, what time went to Halloween? He was dressed as Django.
Richard Dodds 34:20
I was I was the beast. First of all, I was not Django.
It you you were Django and then you kept poking me because he was mad. He kept bugging me Yeah, bruises for days. Anywho that was one of your days that were Ari will say we'll say were You were really committed in that relationship. But I will say that that person was not committed in a relationship. That's exactly what I was gonna say like that's a that's an interesting example. Yeah. When you talk about like your your growth now your maturity to where you are now and your experiences have brought you like so far because that situation, I'll just throw out a couple of funny details that I saved in my memory bank for entertainment. Or write the part you guys were supposed to dress up as the same thing.
Richard Dodds 35:14
Not person did not.
Let me finish my larious as she was telling me the whole time he's like, Yeah, man. I'm like so what are you guys gonna do cuz we go go to this party. We go we go all dressed up and you know she's gonna be this Don't be this. I'm like, Cool. This is gonna be awesome. So you know, Todd, cuz she, he gets there. First of all, I know where it was. She She just don't like a racecar driver, like, totally opposite. But Richard had committed. I wasn't ready for that commitment.
Richard Dodds 35:51
Not that's not what she was looking for.
That's hilarious. That's what I was looking for. We
Richard Dodds 35:55
weren't looking for that costume. I saw my closet.
Can you post it online? Like, can you put it on? And it's posted online, so so everybody can see what I was saying, huh? That's pretty cool. You should use that in your other podcasts. Yeah. Like, if you do like an old like a slavery thing. And you're
Richard Dodds 36:16
just talking about it. It was a guy, it was an ascot,
as it as it was, it was a lot, it was a
Richard Dodds 36:23
lot. But you know, there's people that I wish that I committed to certain levels that I committed to on levels that one never should have been at that level, I can think of a woman that I you know, ended up dating, that I wish we had to just stay friends because the friendship was really dope. And we both could commit to being friends. But when we crossed that line, you know, to dating, it changed the whole dynamic, and it just wasn't what it needed to be. Yeah. And it wasn't a situation for
Yeah, you didn't have that that right Communication Foundation,
Richard Dodds 36:57
they had a right communication. And you know, a lot of times it's not that you can be compatible with a person of the opposite sex and have an attraction. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you should act on that attraction.
Oh, yeah. Or you're supposed to be with them. Like, that doesn't mean that at all.
Richard Dodds 37:12
But no, I mean, so just the thing that I learned from all those situations, and I always, I'm grateful that I can take lessons from those situations, because everything that we talked about is stuff that we've been through, and been through enough situations, like, where maybe the commitment issues were different, maybe somebody wasn't ready to commit, or maybe somebody committed too fast. Whatever the situation, is, I'm glad that I'm at the age and the maturity level to where I can look back at those situations. And look at all the lessons that I've learned from those situations and see how we do things differently. And I don't know if our inco want to go back and change any of those situations, because all of the situations are good and bad has made me who I am today, and I'm really happy with who I am. And why I am
absolutely, I mean, that's, that's why I said that's why I gave that example of that. That whole call it the Halloween and the Django the Django Unchained Halloween incident, you know, when I use that? Yeah, I mean, from from that particular situation, may you come, you come in extremely far away. But I think one of the one of the things you've taken from, you know, all of those situations, ships is communication, you've learned to definitely communicate things that you want, early on into that, you know, relationship, because in most relationships, you don't have to communicate those things, because hey, they're short term. But, you know, you recognize, hey, I want this long term, I need to make sure you're okay with this before we get any further before I commit.
Richard Dodds 38:48
I mean, the other thing too, is like having communication because in that situation, it was communication, too. I think I think just believing what people say and the actions that they show you like I was still committing to something that somebody didn't want to commit to me in a way that I wanted to commit to No, and I still tried to commit like I'm still trying to commit to somebody saying that they don't want to commit to a situation.
I still can't believe she showed up as a racecar driver. Like that was That was incredible because I was like literally just at your house usually yes she got it you know she gotta come over she got to put these guys to
Richard Dodds 39:22
man I didn't costume areas right before she came
over this dude like dressing up to that beauty.
Richard Dodds 39:34
Had the people rice and bumping in the background what do you find? This is not we're not a unit.
I'm a racecar driver. Like what? Hold on just a minute.
Richard Dodds 39:50
But it makes total sense though. And it's funny, and I'm just so happy to I don't look at situations the same way and right. Like if that hadn't happened, I will I might be still Trying to commit to stuff that didn't one like Garner my commitment or even want more
that's just I just keep having flashbacks bad just looking at your face. Like it was it was like a liquid defeat bros. Like, I don't
Richard Dodds 40:17
know she was gonna I'm not gonna entertain this story much more but but the last part I will say it was hilarious though because that costume could not have been more opposite
Yes, that's what I said. It's like she's like, it's like you'd you would not accept that defeat though cuz it's like it was just like yes, she was supposed to but as like back neck that's not bail because that's not
Richard Dodds 40:41
that wasn't that wasn't bail? No Yeah,
well thank you for that Richard.
Richard Dodds 40:49
You're You're welcome. That
is It's nestled I'm pleased that back into my mind
Richard Dodds 40:55
you just keep that there whenever you want to live 110% That's that's this is odd because that's something I had thought about a very long time think about it all the
time. Dude, because that costume was our ages girl like I couldn't believe it like I couldn't believe it. I mean, she was hot she was hot she was just a little thing thing but she was not bill from the beauty in the beast bro.
Richard Dodds 41:20
Well, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for listening. To be a part of the conversation you can find us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter I recommend me please be sure to rate and subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app you blue what Abdo where can I find you?
You can find me on all your social media platforms Instagram Facebook, Twitter. I a DJ blue Yeah. That was that a lot of energy Yes, let me let me do it again. It's not
Richard Dodds 41:55
like a PlayStation two game where they were like streets or something like that like he was a player.
I real quick here we go. And now you can find me on all your great platforms Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. I am DJ blue.
Richard Dodds 42:11
I was I was a little bit more Grand Theft Auto. I'm like I noticed that you there you there you can you can find me at St Oh DDS.
You can find him it is D O T
Richard Dodds 42:30
and also you can listen to my other podcast talking black all your podcasts on platforms. And until next time boys and girls remember
there's always a mother flipping next time wow.
Richard Dodds 42:46
Relationship talks with Ricky name and as a crown kosher media LLC production is produced by me. Richard Dodds and our theme music is by the DJ