I'm in Love: Have you ever been in love?

Just in time for Valentine's Day, your two best friends are back with a new episode. In this episode, we jump straight in on how we've both found love, and it may not be what you think. As always to be a part of the conversation you can find us on Facebook and Instagram @RickAndNamon. You can find Rick @Doddsism and Namon @IAmTheDjBlue.

Credits:
Host and Producer: Richard "Rick" Dodds @Doddsism
Co-Host and Show Music: @IAmTheDjBlue
Website: StillTalkingBlack.com

Richard Dodds 0:00
This relationship talks with Ric and naman. I'm Rick. And I am the DJ guru. And he's naming.

Namon 0:08
I'm still the DJ blue. Even more now,

Richard Dodds 0:12
even more now,

Namon 0:13
even more now, DJ glue times two. So, two and a half, three quarters.

Richard Dodds 0:21
How can you be more DJ blue than DJ blue?

Namon 0:24
I don't know this. Think of it like I'm double, I'm doubled twice. Twice.

Richard Dodds 0:32
Are you telling us you gain weight? Is that what it is?

Namon 0:38
Did you come back you come in with this this type of energy already? You come in with this type of energy talking about my weight. My weight behind you, by the way? What? I didn't see women? How did you read them books or how to get women?

Richard Dodds 0:55
Oh, so. So one picture is the Odyssey, the classic book about a Decius. And the other book as a black photography

Namon 1:03
book. You know, I must say this, and then I'm gonna let you get started. But I don't like the fact that you set your system up behind you to make it look like you always busy. You got books and stuff like that, like you read you got a chalkboard. With stuff written up there fake equation. Get out of here with that,

Richard Dodds 1:23
I'm probably gonna have to, like take a picture of this. So everybody knows what the heck you're talking about. But hey, it's been a little bit since we recorded.

Namon 1:32
What's new with me? Um, man, what's not new to be quite honest with you? In realist, real, real world, man, I would say, you know, just still grind and still hustling. You know? I haven't really been eaten brisket as much as I used to. Um, you know, I don't know if what's what's new what you didn't know enough about me? Blue you know,

Richard Dodds 1:57
it's not too much new to me. Still hustling still doing the things that you know I do. I started a new podcast, aside from this podcast called still talking black. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

Namon 2:08
that's kind of you said you did what?

Richard Dodds 2:09
I have another podcast.

Namon 2:11
Hold on, hold on you. So you you in a conversation with our best friends to have another podcast and I'm not even involved in?

Richard Dodds 2:23
I mean, you did the music. So yeah, you kind of evolved.

Namon 2:27
I don't think I did. I don't remember I didn't sign anything. I didn't get paid royalties.

Richard Dodds 2:35
I shout you out at the end of every episode saying that the music is by the DJ blue. I don't even say

Namon 2:42
no, no. I'm gonna have to listen. Man, I have to listen. Because this. This seemed like a lawyer conversation here.

Richard Dodds 2:48
You see, you see how much support I get from you. You don't even listen, you don't even hear your shout out. So you gotta stop listening. Okay, that's the beginning.

Namon 2:59
Whoever made this is amazing. I have to go Go cry and thank thanks.

Richard Dodds 3:05
So, you know, I just wanted to jump in. It's a lot that we we still had left to talk about. So we had to come back and talk about those things that we still have left to talk about.

Namon 3:15
Yeah, no, it's it's a lot and I said that I mean, I got tired at first but you know, I'm be honest with you, sir. It's a lot that needs to be said.

Richard Dodds 3:24
Still. So you're not got a lot to get off your chest because

Namon 3:27
man, I don't but I can. But every day is a different days. So there's always something something changing the game some change in the show a new episode, if you will. Okay, it

Richard Dodds 3:39
is man. So, you know, a lot of things have changed. One big thing is that I'm in love, man.

Namon 3:49
You are. Whoa. Oh, you go start off the

Richard Dodds 3:54
whole, let's say let's start off.

Namon 4:01
I love save that for the end of the show.

Richard Dodds 4:04
Have you ever been in love man, man?

Namon 4:06
Absolutely. I think I'm in love to.

Richard Dodds 4:09
Hey, look at look at that. Change.

Namon 4:14
Oh, you're supposed to be saving this for the last episode of forever, man. You can't be squeezing these things. I

Richard Dodds 4:22
gotta we gotta we gotta come in. Hi. We got to get we've been going for too long, man. We gotta let the people know.

Namon 4:27
You gotta you gotta Squeezy things out before you just you just rip into talking about The L Word. I'm not talking about liver spots I'm talking about people begin liver spots as well that just don't condone liver spots. Ladies, I don't know how you control liver spots by fans who still listening we do not condone live response.

Richard Dodds 4:50
Oh, okay. All right. Yeah, that's uh, I guess that's the thing that like

Namon 4:53
service announcement. I'm gonna have to look up liver spots to see if that's something you can

Richard Dodds 4:59
have. You can just Good,

Namon 5:02
right? I don't know via

Richard Dodds 5:03
so um, so it's just a lot of growth happened, the person that I'm really in love with as myself, and I think that Whoa, whoa,

Namon 5:12
whoa, whoa, whoa, that's pretty aggressive don't talk about yourself. And so the

Richard Dodds 5:19
really the person that I really loved was myself and I learned a lot over all of the different relationships that I've been in. And one of the things is how to tell the difference between love lust, like an infatuation.

Namon 5:32
A Hold on, are you talking about these are still with yourself?

Richard Dodds 5:35
No, this just in general? Can you lust after yourself? You can like yourself?

Namon 5:42
Can you lust after yourself? I think that's a personal question. I think you just can't you just started off. I'm in love with myself, you know, lust, like and dedication you take yourself out to eat.

Richard Dodds 5:56
I mean, I mean, you got to feed yourself every day. What's the

Namon 5:58
perfect date? What's the perfect date with Richard? Because like you said, this is you in love with yourself? That's a big statement. There was a perfect date with Richard, what do you do on your perfect date?

Richard Dodds 6:10
So see, I'm really trying to work on self care right now. And probably a perfect day. For me. It's a day where I really don't touch anything work related.

Namon 6:18
So question what, when you go out on dates with yourself? Who opens the door? And who pays the bill? That's the question. I

Richard Dodds 6:28
mean, I open the door and pay the bill is either me or myself. Like you we take turns one or the other. Sometimes it's me sometimes myself.

Namon 6:37
Sometimes when I go out, and I take myself out on a date, I don't pay for anything.

Richard Dodds 6:41
That sounds like stealing and we don't get

Namon 6:46
sometimes when I go to people's houses, I don't pay for anything. That's how I leave with everything.

Richard Dodds 6:51
That's that sounds like stealing as well. And I think

Namon 6:55
it sounds like it would be column column and I'm gonna snitch on you too.

Richard Dodds 6:59
What's this gonna show?

Namon 7:00
You obviously sexually harassed yourself talking about love? Obviously, that sounds like borderline sexual harassment. If I'm if I'm not mistaken. I think I don't think anybody listening. You just said that. You said something about being in love with yourself. But you said lust?

Richard Dodds 7:16
How? No, I say you can tell now. How do you tell the difference between love lust like NF actuation. That's what I said. Between yourself. No win and really kind of relationships.

Namon 7:28
I mean, love. Okay, so what was the list? Let's start with the first one. All right. So

Richard Dodds 7:31
love. How do you How can you tell the difference between love and lust?

Namon 7:35
Mm hmm. So love, love it. I mean, honestly, love in some cases, you will feel it in your loins. I mean, unless you would most certainly feel in your loins. Oh, it's mostly you're looking this is a funny word it is. But I think that love is, is it's a deeper, it's a deeper feeling. It's a deeper thing. And I think that, wow, love is invisible. You can certainly feel it. It's a vibe, you know, it's that virus, a certain vibration, I would say that you can give off where other people will feel that love. And then the lowest, it's the same concept. It's a certain vibration you can give off. In most cases, it's a physical vibration. Sometimes you tap on somebody's shoulder and say, Hey, you fine. That's what it is. You got a big? No, I'm just saying, you know, that's that's it's just, it's a feeling. And I think that you can kind of tell with love. I will say the difference is it's sweeter. Selfish, not selfish, selfless. It's a sweeter, selfless vibe. You know what I mean? Because you you love that person. You want them to be happy, you want them to be successful, you want them to, to feel the best, right? And then lust is just the opposite. It's kind of selfish, I'm not gonna even lie because you you, you want a pleasure, you want a pleasure that you want to feed that monster, that pleasure monster, which I mean monster doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing. A lot of people get a little monsters in them. But

Richard Dodds 9:12
I really wish I could see the face he just made when he said that, I think a lot. A lot of the difference between love and lust has to do with focus. You can be in a relationship that's based on love, and you can be in a relationship based on lust. And I think a lot of times if you're in a lustful relationship is all about that physical. It's all about finding that physical pleasure like you really know. I feel like you really know that you love someone when you can take all of the physical attributes out and just say what that person spend time with them and still be super happy. Because sometimes you know you in a relationship, two people will be in a relationship. And if they're not if they're not getting freaky, then it ain't no reason for them to hang out.

Namon 9:55
He's a freak he is. Yeah.

Richard Dodds 10:00
Hold on. I mean, that's what I'm using. You know what I'm saying? Freaky. But so How about how about like, well, how can you tell the difference between love and like,

Namon 10:08
love and like, some people say thanks. So

Richard Dodds 10:11
some people think that like, is love and I've heard people say that, like you're stronger than love and I was like, Ooh, you don't really I never been in love Dan, have you?

Namon 10:19
110% Because this is gonna sound like a surprise to you, Richard, but I'm a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to food, right? Different flavors, different things like that. Right? So when I tell you, I like something. I mean, I like it. I'll eat it occasionally. I wouldn't mind having it. It's just the basis of like, but if I tell you I love something. That means that Monday I'm eating it Tuesday. I can eat it Thursday. I can I say Thursday because I do it thrice. I can eat it all week. That's because I love it. I hate it. I want it. I want it inside my belly. Oh, oh, okay. That's not awful.

Richard Dodds 11:09
You know? I mean, the way that you got up on my

Namon 11:17
judgment, He was the way he was out there earlier the way he was talking about yourself.

Richard Dodds 11:23
All right, no, no, Desmond's all

Namon 11:25
right. But yeah, that's, that's just it. It's, it's, it's totally different in like, it's like, Hey, I like it, you know, but it's not something that I absolutely have to have. Yeah, you know, I like it. I can, I can tolerate it. I think like his toleration, if you will. I think that's a, that's a form to say, I tolerate this. I tolerate you a lot. But but if you left, I'd be cool with it. Essentially. You know, so

Richard Dodds 11:53
I mean, I feel like you're saying like love and like have a lot of attributes that are similar, like like you can you can liver liver bigger without like, but love is something that you want to pursue constantly. Exactly. I mean, you might pursue like, but you might pursue like to, but not to the levels that you will pursue love.

Namon 12:13
I don't know. I honestly I don't I don't even think I don't even think you would pursue like because, like it's just there. Like, I like I like trees. I like snow, but I don't love it. That's, you know what I mean? Like, like, it's just there. I like driving. Do I love it? Absolutely not.

Richard Dodds 12:33
But I mean, it is a process, you know, like can be I mean, I guess, I guess sometimes love or lust can be a stop on a road to love. I mean, but like, it's definitely like a roll stop because you don't love somebody right away most times.

Namon 12:48
Exactly. And the thing is, if you don't like somebody, it's impossible to lust or love them. Like so. In this situation. It's like there you have to have like, I feel like like, is there like is it like, like, has to be there like, the like, it has to be the beginning. If there's no like, you know, like, is the the inception if you will, the inception of the thought, like begins love or lust in my opinion, I would say

Richard Dodds 13:11
Yeah, but you can love somebody and I like them

Namon 13:18
and it's a stretch. So it's a huge stretch.

Richard Dodds 13:23
I feel like the last one that we talked about is the harder one to tell the difference between an infatuation, infatuation, you have to get something all the time you want to be around it. It's it's almost like a dependency. Yeah. And I feel like a lot of times love can look like infatuation. I think they're really the thing that kind of divides infatuation and love is its time and consistency. Yeah, absolutely. I think time and consistency are really the big things that defy love and infatuation. Yeah, love and

Namon 13:57
a lot more time and consistency. Love Thank you damn fat and Well honestly, no, I'm I'm gonna take that bet you spend a lot more on a fat like time and what is it? What did you say? What was the other word? Time? Consistency Yeah. With infatuation than you will with love but I think, you know, being infatuated with anything Oh, too much is obviously going to be unhealthy anyway. Yeah. So it automatically I don't know why but infatuation sounds negative to me.

Richard Dodds 14:28
Yeah, I mean, I think it can be an unhealthy thing. Like when you're infatuated with something, you can't let it go.

Namon 14:36
Right? For whatever reason. It's just you're just stuck. It's a step lusting, get stuck loving, you're stuck like in your infatuated. That's crazy. That's a concept.

Richard Dodds 14:47
I feel like I feel like I'm in my my lifetime of dating that I have experienced every spectrum of it. Like I feel like I've been infatuated. I feel like I've been in lust and like, and definitely in love, and they're not always easy to distinguish in a moment. No, not at all. And I feel like

Namon 15:06
I love seafood. But occasionally, I don't. You see what I'm saying? So it's like,

Richard Dodds 15:14
okay, all right. Yeah, sure.

Namon 15:17
I'm just saying, Man, I love drinks. But occasionally I don't. I just like,

Richard Dodds 15:25
I know you love ice cream. But sometimes ice cream. Don't love you back.

Namon 15:29
Oh, see? Okay, now he's having a good day. We were having a good day today. We was we was having a good day, weren't we? Are we having a good day? I did. I didn't threaten you. At

Richard Dodds 15:44
a prereq was having a good time for us. Not not.

Namon 15:48
I'm foreshadowing the next few minutes. I'm gonna let you know he was having a good day. Don't turn out. Or not nice bad news for you. Yo, yo, nappy head. This was bad news for well see, get really, really aggressive right there. Right? You look at your look, you look, he was like, Wait, can he see my hair?

Richard Dodds 16:16
I'm so stupid. But you know, I felt like it sounds in my life where I've thought that I was in love. And I really was like maybe infatuated and maybe in an unhealthy situation chasing something that I shouldn't Chase or I was like hours lust lusting after someone, I thought that they looked really good. But their personality might not have been that. And I wasn't really in love. But I thought it was love. So has there ever been a time where you felt like you were in love. But then when you look back later on, you realize that that wasn't love, it was something else.

Namon 16:48
So yeah, I would say I've never necessarily been in a situation where I felt like I was in love and didn't recognize it. I mean, I've had situations where, you know, I definitely love the person. And it's easy for me to love anybody. I love everybody. That's just my style. And I have different levels of love for for the people that I love. And I always tell anybody I say my mom, my mom, she gave me something that that was like a gift and it was love. So it was unconditional. So I'm able to give that unconditionally, however, I please without feeling, you know, depleted. So with that being said, I'm able to look at the love that I have for someone and to see the different feelings that I would have in a different love that I will have for somebody like your co workers, like of course you love them, you got love for them, blah, blah, blah but that's that's that's where that ends and then you have your your close friends you really love them. That's a celebration every time you see him and then you have your family members, you love them. You have your your girl or your your man, you know me, you love them the way you love them. So it's just being able to decipher those different types of love. You'll never be able to, you'll never get stuck thinking that you're in love with someone that you're not necessarily even in love with that you're infatuated with.

Richard Dodds 18:10
I think there's definitely been times where I thought I was in love. And it wasn't necessarily love. Now that doesn't that doesn't mean that I didn't have love for that person. But I thought that I was in love with that person. And a lot of times it was something that was like maybe it was infatuation. Maybe it was a strong like

Namon 18:29
thinking like maybe it was just because she had really big boobs. No, that's not what I said. You've been in a couple of loads. Talking about leaving in a couple of situations.

Richard Dodds 18:40
You could be making stuff up

Namon 18:43
making stuff up whatever man don't move,

Richard Dodds 18:47
move. Move around, but no so it's been many times where you've been like I've been in situations where it's like oh yeah, I know I'm in love this and then I look back on and say what was I thinking I wasn't even that wasn't healthy that wasn't right thing right? And so many different things that it could be but at the end of the day like I feel like we are pretty much the same like you have love for everybody and loving everybody is great, but when you're talking about relationships, you can love that person and not being in love with that person.

Namon 19:17
Oh 110%

Richard Dodds 19:19
So yeah, so I feel like it's definitely been plenty of times not playing I wouldn't say plenty

Namon 19:23
but I ended up saying Biggie Biggie but I say

Richard Dodds 19:27
I say at least a couple of times that been thought that I was in love but I really wasn't in love when I look back in retrospect that was really kind of my man I was tripping over this and this is not even what I should have been tripping over.

Namon 19:40
You were insane. I was insane you were in a situation a situation I've been in situation ships for sure. Yeah, you were in a situation ship but I like say looking back on your pass fail relation.

Richard Dodds 19:56
Oh, we just we just use that as a right Looking back, I'm you're

Namon 20:02
talking about your path.

Richard Dodds 20:05
So the reason I wanted to start off saying that I was in love and the person I'm in love with as myself is just because you're a weirdo. No, that's not why I'm the important thing about before you can love anybody else. I feel like you need to be in a place where you you love yourself and you're happy.

Namon 20:22
Yes, Queen. Yes,

Richard Dodds 20:25
I was thinking. So as I was going through everything, before we started the episode, I started thinking about all the different reasons why I have pursued relationships, I've been in relationships previously, when I wasn't in a place where I was like, unnecessarily loving myself. And sometimes you're looking for love, or you're trying to find someone because you're trying to fill an empty void. Like it's something in your life, and you're trying to fill that void with the person. And it might not even be companionship that you're necessarily looking for, but you're trying to find somebody to fill in that place. So you know, either one have to deal with that void, or to just temporarily fill that void. Because if it's not thing that a fill that actual void, then it's only gonna be a temporary fix.

Namon 21:06
So my, my take on that is, is pretty simple, because I believe that, for me, personally, I say, I'm gonna give you whatever you give me, like, if you give me 100% of love, like a vicious love, love, love. There's no reason for me not to give that back to you. Because I want to give you exactly what you've given me. Right, right. So I believe that people who do go into those relationships, who are giving somebody that loves seeking that love, they end up in a worse situation that they were in before they got there. Because now not only are you You giving that away now now you're giving that to someone who does not know the quality who does not know the rate the value, and they have no idea what that love means. So they cannot therefore give you that because they don't even know what you're doing. Hmm, yeah, cuz you you just infatuate you know, this is simple. This is like this love is is it's definitely reciprocated. Yes supposed to be if that person knows you love them, and they love you too. It'll be reciprocated, and there won't be any doubts about it.

Richard Dodds 22:13
Yes, definitely. Definitely. When you have somebody who calls you over when they're bored. That's a big difference between having someone want to see you what regardless of what they're doing, and hey, like I have a void to feel like hey, what you doing? I'm really bored. I want to come over. And let's hang out. It's a big thing. Yeah. Another thing that I thought about is like, when you're dating, you're looking for somebody because you're lonely. And that's the reason you're trying to find somebody specifically. Because you're lonely. It's like I'm alone. I just wanna I just want to compare. Some of

Namon 22:42
these chicks just be picking saps though. Maybe picking somebody they could just call like they'll text to do to be like, hey, what you doing? And then he'll be like, nothing and they'll be like, Well, I'm hungry. What should we do? You know, like just just stop using these young man.

Richard Dodds 23:02
Oh, man, I want to do the same women as well. And it's not it's not it's not anything wrong. I'm trying to find companionship because that's what a relationship is but if that's the only reason that you're looking for someone and because like I feel like you'd be disappointed because when when you get into a relationship there's no way for you to be in a real healthy relationship that both of you want change you know what I mean? You both should be going from each other you both should be learning from each other you both should be evolving together and it should realize like if you just want somebody if you lonely and all you want is a companion and not sense and you don't expect your life to change you might as well go to Sam's

Richard Dodds 23:42
get a dog or cat

Namon 23:44
get you the same character Yeah, that's not

Richard Dodds 23:47
gonna change your life and because I mean like a lot of people expect their lives to remain exactly the same and they get somebody and it never never works like that.

Namon 23:55
It never does and you end up you end up just I would say more empty than you were before because before you're seeking it you got a lot of love to give once you give that up and it's not reciprocated you empty yeah you just you so empty and and until you find that that way to break through that that hole and and maybe get you someone who can replenish that you just gonna be in a hole. It's just gonna be a huge hole. But that's what's important. I would say when you're going through relationships, having family members and loved ones around you who can refill those things because that's what their job is you do that to them so they're going to do that to you. So I say that you need you need relatives you need family you need people around you that you can you can have that replenishment with as well.

Richard Dodds 24:42
Yeah, I definitely think that there are certain things inside of you when we talk about being alone we are we talk about having a void looking for somebody fill is definitely places in you and things in you that you have to fill on your own. Right You have to be able to fill yourself on your own to a certain extent and you can't go looking for somebody thinking that that, that that person is gonna come in and fill you in all the places that you need to be filled

Namon 25:04
and give you give you what you're looking for without even knowing exactly what you like you don't even know what you're looking for. Are they supposed to give it to you

Richard Dodds 25:13
like, Yeah, you can't verbalize it. But yeah, exactly. And you know, sometimes I'm guilty of that, you know, you feel like just because you understand what you need, that your partner is supposed to understand exactly what you need without verbalizing it. So I try to make sure that I'm really variable in any kind of relationship, whether you're talking about a romantic relationship, or even a friendship, you can't expect someone to know exactly what's going to be on your mind. 24/7. So yeah,

Namon 25:36
I would say I would say, based on what you're saying, for me, you helped me figure something out to a while back, we were talking about some wood work, or something like that. And one of the words we were talking about, I guess it was just surrounded was perspective. Mm. Yeah. You know, I mean, just just having having that perspective, and honestly, that can work that can work in so many different ways. Because once you once you open up your mind and you like, if you're in the business aspect, and you see your your, your your perspective, from their view, you know, from corporate, you can kind of understand, like why you're dealing with and it's the same thing I would say, with, with relationships, if you can, if you can, for a moment, just take your perspective, changes to their perspective. See how they're looking at you see how you would look at yourself, if you were in their shoes. I guarantee every time for me doing that and taking that time to look at that perspective. It changes my view because I'm like, Yeah, okay, well, I'm acting pretty goofy right now. Maybe I should have got kicked out of this. You know, Sisley, right now even me, like, maybe I should, maybe I should have got kicked out of the system. Tonight, I was acting pretty crazy. You know what I mean, but other than saying, you know, what's wrong with me? You know, there's something wrong with me, this person doesn't love me, there must be something wrong with them as well. You know, crap like that.

Richard Dodds 26:51
I think that was a great, that's a great point, you know, you might not always agree with somebody else's perspective, but understanding it from their point of view, you can kind of get to understand why, why they might be responding to you a certain way. Because it's like, you don't always, sometimes you're so caught up on your perspective, you don't see what you could possibly be doing to somebody else.

Namon 27:12
Exactly. And I think people are also afraid in most cases, pride is a big issue, because I think people are afraid of losing by seeing and seeing somebody else's way. Or seeing, you know, from another perspective, I think that's a fear of losing your own perspective by doing that, you know, cuz it's like, well, if I see it that way, that means that they're winning. And they're that right? No, it's just, it's more or less like you just taking a second look, to say, you know, is this relationship gonna be good for me? Is this movie gonna be good for me? If I do this? You know, what are they going to do? What, from their perspective? How are they going to feel if I show up at 3am? With a with a bucket of chicken? I try to build this scenario, yeah, give

Unknown Speaker 28:00
me three bucket.

Namon 28:04
I'm cool. We look, whatever wherever the issue was, we could,

Richard Dodds 28:09
you know, just go back to the other two, the last two that's on the list. It's just being with someone, because they want to be with you. A lot of times people like we fall in, I know, I've fallen into relationships, because somebody like me, and I might not like them the same way. But since they like me in a cool, you know, I will fall into a relationship with them. And the last one is when you're already in a relationship, kind of stand with someone that you know, that's wrong for you. Yeah. And so going over the last, you know, last the dating period of last year in between, even between those episodes, been a year since the last episode on this episode, and roughly a year, and you know, just dating in between there is even lessons that I learned stuff that I knew, you know, you get caught up sometimes and you you're looking for somebody for the wrong reason. And I remember us having a conversation, actually, you were saying something, like, you're gonna get to a point where you just good. And then that's when you go find that person. Yeah. And then for sure, I got to a point where I wasn't trying to date I was good. I wasn't trying to be with anybody. And then that's when I found that, because

Namon 29:23
I think what happened with you, the same thing that happened with me is you you stop worrying about it. You stop worrying about like seeking something trying to find something and the thing is, it's like we are supposed to be on whatever path we're going on, like whatever we're doing right now. It's already been done. It's already written, right? So it's important for us to focus on the positive things we have in our lives and focus on you know, the things that are going to propel us forward and that's what you did. You know, you focus on things now and now look at you, you know, you're successful. You have the things that you you know, you have that you were talking about at those times. You know those things Relationships they've fallen, fallen off for years now? No, I

Richard Dodds 30:06
mean, I think the thing the thing was is my focus was different in this new relationship, I wasn't looking to fill any voids, I wasn't looking for somebody because I was lonely. I was good. You know, I fell in love with yourself, oh, yeah, I went through things. And it's like, I appreciate it myself. And I didn't need somebody to validate that. I didn't need somebody to validate me. And I was at a point where it's like, I'm good. And then when I, when I met, the person that I'm in love with now, it wasn't self, the person that's not myself that I'm in love with. Now, it wasn't, it wasn't me trying to find anything, it was kind of like, I found this person, and I love this person. You know, this is a person that we push each other, to be better, we do things, you know, it's just that partnership. And that wouldn't have been possible if I wasn't, if I wasn't holding myself, if I wasn't healed, if I was looking for somebody to make me whole or somebody to help me, then when I got into the situation, I want to look at it in the same perspective. Because you're your own perspective can change. Person out have been looking at it a different thing in a way that we both approached this relationship, when we first got together was we really did spend time trying to get to know each other. And when you're really looking for certain things, sometimes you have a tendency to reskin and know someone and just pay an idea of what you think as far as I'm who this person might be, and then just fall in love with that idea and just be done there. But the me, we took our time to make sure that we knew each other and spend time with each other. It's just, it was different than any other thing that I thought and this was like the first time where it's like, I'm in love. And I don't have to question it. And it feels so different than all the other times that I said that I was in love, just because this felt like a full version of what I had been looking for, as opposed to chasing things that was like 40% of that, right, or 50% of the full thing. The full it was like, perspective, a whole perspective of the whole thing. And this, this was an eye opener, this is a completely different thing. And it's phenomenal. You know, I love it.

Namon 32:11
Well, I have to say, you know, seeing you your growth, and everything that you've, you've done, I would say come in this far with the perspective that you have on your relationship, he or she is happy to have you

Namon 32:32
they are blessed to have you. And you are blessing. Okay, nothing does nothing tell you that.

Richard Dodds 32:42
But in my particular case, but anyway, he did tell you for that, but I mean, I really think I think the same thing happened to you really, you know, I that's the healthiest place to come from a relationship when you want a relationship for the right reasons and not for some superficial reason. Not because it's cuffing season, not because it's gonna be cold outside, not for any of those reasons, you find someone that meets and matches your energy and it's just a different kind of feeling.

Namon 33:12
It's beautiful because I mean, energies and like I say I don't a lot of people say oh you know energies that some people don't believe in the idea of energies. But I mean, the whole concept of human life, we are energies, we are balls of energy. So when you meet someone that fits into that, that that like a comb, almost like two combs that are made, like fingers interlocking like fingers but not fingers. Combs Okay, when they, when they link it's perfection. Yeah, it is perfection. And and I was it was funny. I was watching a movie because you know, the idea of relationships. You think about like, what is actually perfection, right? What is what is perfection? What is that? And then what the movie was? Do was like he was like, well, perfection is not you know, when you add something is when you no longer feel like you can take anything away. Hmm. Like, that's perfection, everything that's there, you're not taking anything away. You don't need to add anything. You're just not taking anything away. That's that's perfection. I was like, dang, that's a concept. Because, you know, it's like, that's basically like saying, I don't want to change anything. I love it the way it is, right period. And that's I think that's a view or a perspective, if you will, of perfection, if you know in a relationship, you know, just filling that filling that by filling everything meets your qualities and meets your qualifications.

Richard Dodds 34:45
I mean, another thing that I really something that I always realized, but it's something I really got reinforced. And you know, the last year of dating was that I'm not perfect, and you don't have to be perfect. Sure. Thank you. You don't have to be perfect. In order to be perfect for somebody, the PERT the person that you meet, it's not gonna be perfect because nobody's perfect. But you just find you're trying to find a perfect person that's perfect for you. Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect.

Namon 35:14
Hey, good, perfect. You said it. You said it after us.

Richard Dodds 35:24
I know. I know. Yeah, the Jayco song.

Namon 35:28
I can't believe I agreed to do this again. This is actually my idea. Anyway, I can't believe I had this was your idea. I had this idea to do the record name and show really, it was your idea. Man, we're gonna change this title to the Rick and the the the awesome. I don't know, I feel like I need a better name. I'm getting off topic. Name is naming the DJ blue DJ blue DJ blue data store.

Richard Dodds 36:02
So you know, wrapping it all up. The first person that you should fall in love with really, honestly, all jokes aside is yourself. You need to love who you are. You need to not only love who you are, but accept who you are. Yeah. And it's a it's a big thing to really accept who you are.

Namon 36:21
That's hard. Like, that's hard. And and, and I think like, for me, I've been blessed with with, again, I use that word perspective. I've been blessed because I, I feel like I've I've reached a point where I accept myself, I love myself, and I'm comfortable with myself. No matter what I'm comfortable with who I am. I'm comfortable with who I plan to be. And I'm, I'm not afraid of anybody's value of me. Yes. Like that's, that's just how I feel.

Richard Dodds 36:52
And it's, it's important because if you're insecure about yourself, and you don't know who you are, when you get in a relationship, sometimes you will let the relationship define who you are, and then end up changing who you are toxic. Yeah, that's never that's never a good thing. You remember, it was a movie. It was a movie with us does. It had Julia Robertson and she was she was like running. I think it was Runaway Bride. And she had been like encased and getting ready to get married like 27 times or something crazy like that. And the thing about it was she never knew who she was. So whenever she would get with a new guy, like she would like her eggs and style of whoever she was Dayton's eggs. And she never knew what she liked on her own. And it wasn't crazy. She never got married until she had to take some time to herself, learn herself know who she was, and then see who is who's who she really loved. Because she has spent so time so much time trying to conform to what other people wanted that she didn't know who she was that movie

Namon 37:50
for me. Like that's I have to watch that movie again. To be quite honest.

Richard Dodds 37:55
It's been a while. That's like a 90s movie. Like that's crazy. They like you

Namon 37:59
because that's a that's a valid point. I mean, most people do pick up the things that they have in the relationship and they take it as their own and then and then once that person leaves they're nothing like you're nothing because you you had nothing when you were in that relationship.

Richard Dodds 38:14
You just do what you what that person wanted you to be and then not nobody not that person isn't there to fulfill you and to tell like to direct what you what they what they want you to be and you're not sure who you are anymore.

Namon 38:27
Oh, man, that's, that's a whole nother episode. There truly. That's a rabbit hole.

Richard Dodds 38:34
It is I mean, but I think that if I was going to leave everybody with anything, the thing is, is that I say like, love yourself. Be comfortable with yourself. And like I said, it's a quote that says, if you know your worth, if you know your worth, nobody can show you short. If you know how much you're worth, then you won't let anybody try to you won't let anybody sell you short, because you know what you're worth. So know what you're worth, love yourself. Be kind to yourself, and don't think that somebody else is gonna make you whole because you need to be home on your own. Before you can be a partner or a good partner to someone else.

Namon 39:11
Thanks, Richard. Good job, man. Thank you, man. Wow, it was almost like you've been doing this all right. apart. I honestly like I mean, I know I haven't heard you know, literally any of your episodes. Geez. Very eloquent. You're like a, a Jerry Springer of podcast. With your final thought. I like that. Okay. All right. Like I feel like I feel like you should be like wearing a suit with a like a red bow tie or something. Like Pee Wee Herman. Oh, I like Pee Wee Herman that's a that's a bit of a difference. But yeah, it would it went totally left

Richard Dodds 39:48
side. I didn't think it was going away. As always, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening to be a part of the conversation. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram, not so much Twitter. over where there Ricky name be sure to like and subscribe to the show on your favorite podcast app you can find name and where can they find you?

Namon 40:08
It's the same and they never change a nun you know do but the name on the game. I am the DJ blue, Twitter, Instagram Pornhub just kidding don't go

Richard Dodds 40:26
oh my goodness.

Namon 40:27
Now just kidding we're not on PornHub ladies and gentlemen not on porn. But here I am DJ blue everywhere else I got to look that up make sure I'm not on there I am everywhere else and

Richard Dodds 40:44
yeah, what are you working on right now? What are you working on outside of this right now?

Namon 40:48
No you they got listened to the next episode. I'm not about to give it up man. You tell them people you love I can tell I'm working on some big night I got some projects popping but if you get listed to the next episode, we're gonna have to wait until we post them because I'm telling you what they see next they can say some just like that. I guarantee it.

Richard Dodds 41:09
Well, you can find me does is on an sto DODDSIM and I have another podcast that is called still talking black, where I talk about different issues from the perspective of minorities, which is often an underserved platform. So you can check me out there. But until next time, boys and girls remember,

Namon 41:30
there's always a next time

Richard Dodds 41:32
Relationship Talks with Rick Namon is a Crowned Culture Media LLC production. It's produced by me, Richard Dodds and our theme music is by the DJ Blue.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Relationship Talks with Rick and Namon

I'm in Love: Have you ever been in love?

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